“You’re blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart-put right.
Then you can see God in the outside world.”
-Matthew 5:8 MSG
Sometimes I struggle to feel connected to those I keep close to me,
And relying on God as our provider can sometimes feel like a game of chicken.
Being away from my children when they go to their dad’s house has become nearly unbearable,
And CoParenting is comparable to an amusement park attraction.
Loneliness can feel tangible.
The more challenging life becomes,
The harder it can be to hear God.
I try to manage every aspect of life before
I just can’t anymore, and I begin to fall apart.
There are times that it sounds so much easier to just sleep through the rest.
In these darker days I forget to surrender.
I forget to give Him my problems.
I forget that God can help me find my way back.
Sometimes I am so scared of what might happen
if I were to stop trying to hold it all together.
So I hold on too tight
and for far too long.
But by doing this I am pushing God away.
I’m telling God that I don’t trust him to take these problems from me.
I am also allowing the enemy room to set up camp in my mind, and in my life.
Once this happens it’s only a matter of time
Before that angel of darkness is wreaking all kinds of havoc.
I’ve started a new thing.
When I feel like I can’t take anymore
I go to the lake.
I sit by the water, I cry and sometimes I scream.
I release everything that weighs down my spirit.
I don’t always feel better though,
And I don’t always hear God’s answers to my questions.
Sometimes I feel even more defeated,
And I need to go back day after day.
Until that one day happens,
When God does something inside of me,
And I begin to feel peace again.
God’s blessings are not given to us as rewards or prizes.
He doesn’t value money or give weight to fear.
We are His treasure, His Children.
When we allow Him to work miracles,
He’s able to fix us
From the inside out.
God wants to take everything that this world has thrown at us,
And He makes us whole again.
We only have to remember.