Why is lust destructive?
Is lust dangerous?
How can lust be bad when it feels so good?
Can we heal from lust?
Thank you for being here!
Joshua T Berglan
Joshua T Berglan, aka The World’s Mayor, is a voice for the voiceless and is driven to elevate the passion, purpose, and mission of those he serves. Joshua is the Chairman of the Live Mana Worldwide Foundation & Live Mana Network, Shock-Jock Evangelist, International #1 Best Selling Author for the Book “The Devil Inside Me” a Producer, and Filmmaker. Joshua is an expert in the future of media and loves supporting others in helping make their dreams come true.
Joshua T Berglan 0:00
Welcome to spoken word by Joshua T Berglan. Today’s spoken word is lust. But what you don’t know is this is the third, fourth, fourth time I’ve tried to do this broadcast today, in the last two hours. In fact, once again, I did a whole hour and a half of my broadcast on mute. Am I on mute? Now now I’m all insecure. Hold on, bear with me while I check, because this is nerve wracking an hour and a half. And most people would sense would give up. Most people would go, Oh, you know, let’s do it another day. Maybe, if you know the purpose of this show, and what this is, it’s God gives me a word and I wait on the word. And I get confirmation. And in the new like, that’s the word you’re going to talk about. Like, I don’t want to talk about lust. And now I’m going to talk about it for really as the third time today. Third, not fourth.
And it’s interesting, because the first one started out one way, the second one started off a whole different way. And now here we are, I don’t know what’s going to happen. So I’m going to pray. Before I get into this. And as you know, I’m not a preacher, just a man that loves the Lord, and ungrateful for all that he’s done for me. And as an act of obedience, I’m going to speak when he tells me to speak, even when I don’t want to. And I don’t want to talk about this subject because it’s not the cache shame on you. It’s not the point the finger at you and make you uncomfortable. Nope, it’s about me. Yes, I am a former narcissist or a narcissist and recovering. But in this sense, because I don’t want to project sin, or rub your face and your sin. That’s not what I want to do. It’s never been my objective. Not when doing gratitude unfiltered not during a conversation with Joshua T Berglund and definitely not spoken word. This is not about it, it but I’m gonna use my own sin, my own struggle in my own blog, whatever. And I’m going to share with you I’m going to confess, I’m going to repent, I’m going to work through this, the way that I believe that God wants me to the way that he’s guided me to over the last few years since I’ve started down this trail of telling on myself, and I this is nothing even major. Because the fact is, if I look at the whole body of work here, what I can see is God has taken me really far since I gave my life to Him. And because I gave my life to him, I have been able to rebuild, rehabilitate my life in ways that are mind blowing, to even me, and it’s my life. But I’m not all the way there yet. And I’m not even close. So I’m going to talk about it. Because I want to set an example for other people who love the Lord. Other people that have platforms, other people that are leaders, other people that, you know, they they want to free people from the hell they’re stuck in. I want to be an example to them, regardless of what it costs me. I want to be an example that you can be authentic, you can be honest, and you can say where you’re at. You can love Jesus and go. Yeah, but I’m a Senator too. And without surfacing over it or gliding over it or whatever. Just be real. Just be real. It’s so interesting that when we’re talking about with lust, it’s not even just about boobies and all that stuff. Or dirty, kinky, crazy sex or chem sex, all the things that I know really well. It’s not even about that. Actually, it’s part of that. And the other half is lusting after what other people have and I don’t even as I say it I get mad
I get mad. Not at a jealousy. I get mad because I forget who is the creator of my life, who has the best plan for my life, and whose life who I gave my life to because I know I gave my life to Him and surrender. Because I know the life he has, for me is better than the one that I try to orchestrate myself. So when I look at other people’s success, and I look at other people’s trophies and other people’s nice this and nice that, and you know what the thing is, is it’s mostly fake anyway. But I’m lusting after it like fake boobs. It’s no different. I better pray before this gets out of control. Heavenly father
just did this pair with you. Maybe this was a do over. Maybe you didn’t like the way I did the last one. I don’t know. But I’m doing this again. And I’m doing it and I will completely sell out. Like, I’m not gonna hold back. But holy spirit, speak through me. Make sure please, that I don’t say stuff that I’m going to regret. Just say the stick the truth. Let’s not be blasphemous. And just please speak through me because I’m at your mercy with this. I don’t I’m I don’t know how to navigate the subject or even talk about it in a way that pleases us. But I’m going to do this anyway. Because you keep prompting me to do it. So this broadcast this message, I surrender this to you. And I pray, Lord, that by the time that this is done, other people that are struggling with lust of any kind, have the ability to say, I don’t want it anymore. I want what you have for me and I surrender this to you, God, please. In fact, I pray that for anyone that is like on the fence lukewarm, or is like a god, you know, a good bit of things to do. That the words that you give me, Lord, lead them back to you. I love you. I surrender this broadcast to you. And please, don’t let me make too much of an idiot out of myself. I love you. In Jesus name. Amen. And yeah, I pray like that. In fact, I don’t even know if these prayers at the beginning are for you. I think that for me, because I’m kind of worried. I can go off the rails a little bit. Not for any intentional reasons. It’s just that I get really passionate, and I get caught up in the passion, and then the emotion. And I just go and sometimes I end up in places that I don’t want to be. Wow, that sounds like a really interesting transition, or a segue into lust. Because that’s kind of how it works with me. There’s two different ways that I lust. And that is trying to stimulate myself. Or to hold on I actually don’t want to go there. First I want to go to this verse. Is that I don’t know anything different about sex other than it being perverted. I don’t have a healthy relationship with sex yet. in mind you while I’m not the pervert and freak and chem sex addict that I was, thank God, thank Jesus. Thank the Holy Spirit. Thank Jael. Thanks, they thank you for the hard lessons.
But also, I lust after the things that I don’t have yet that I feel I should have. And I wrestle with myself all the time going, Yeah, I can be patient. I can wait on you God, I can wait on your perfect timing so that I have what you have for me and me not trying to take that something that’s meant for someone else. Because the thing is, and I don’t want to insult anybody that is a success coach or a coach at all, or whatever. But I personally don’t understand why people need a guru when you have God. I would rather go to God for what I need than anyone else because everyone else has this idea of what’s best for him. US, for me for you, can you relate? And I understand that people need managers and I do understand that people need coaches, and I understand that you can’t navigate life by yourself. But if the final authority in your life isn’t going to God for the final confirmation of like, Hey, did this guru advise me correctly? Or what’s going on here? But I Okay, sorry, I got a little sidetracked there, I I get caught up in the rat race, like anybody else, especially, because I know what success looks like. I know what it takes to be successful. I know what it takes to be wealthy. I know what it takes to be rich. I’ve done it a couple times. What I didn’t know was being a good steward.
And I and I think going back to it, it’s I mean, look, I had a lot of problems to align, you know, I was over sexualized at an early age, I, you know, from, you know, getting molested by you know, two older guys getting molested by my female babysitter getting being molested by other men. And at some point, you get to an old enough age where it’s just like, yeah, kind of it’s on you. Like, I didn’t really necessarily want what happened to happen, but like, I put myself in that situation. So like, I’m not pointing the finger blaming anybody for anything. And, frankly, a lot of the choices that I made. I’m sorry, the choices that I made are on me. So the consequences of that I get to have Why am I saying all this one? First of all, I’m really not wanting to repeat anything that I said earlier in the broadcast, you didn’t see because there was no sound to it. But today, and now I the very first thing I see here is why is less destructive? Like how are you supposed to get turned on? If you’re not lusting? like, Ooh, you’re looking good. What about lusting after your wife? And maybe the word and the definition of the word or whatever, gets a little twisted, but I’ll get to it. What it means less means over desire. And I’m thinking if I’m over desiring something, well, first of all I can’t possibly have. I can’t even I cannot possibly be in line with God’s purposes for my life. It will be in line with what God wants me My heart can’t match God’s heart. If I am overly desiring something. My eyes aren’t fixated on Jesus. They’re fixated on what it is that I want. And here’s the thing about me when I want something, I become very obsessive. And I will do anything and everything to get I have a really hard time walking away from something I want. So you can only imagine what that was like, when I was hunting sex, hunting success, hunting drugs. I’m a hunter. When I want something
got even saying that I just think about what a waste of energy that is. Because that all leads to what soon as i ejaculator as soon as I get what I’m lusting after, and again, it could be a car. We’ll never forget buying $105,000 car last car round, in fact, and that was also what I slept in for a couple of weeks. Because when I lost everything, because I was constantly everything I lost it after. There was no substance to it, and it was never actually going to feed my soul. The things that sustain you It’s like the difference between eating like a sugary doughnut and having something that’s a whole food. A whole food will give you energy it’ll sustain you you don’t need to eat every five seconds but if I eat a doughnut, you might as well just freakin break out the cocaine. Because it’s no different donut. I need six donuts. A ball. I better have to because that can’t get enough I can’t get enough now like this even comes to mind now. I can’t get enough so like Even if I’m pursuing someone else’s dream for me, like, you know, doing what mommy and daddy wanted me to do for a living like going to college, or I’m going to be an accountant, not me. Because never been good with numbers, and I don’t think my parents would have ever pushed me that direction. But there was plenty of a parents were entrepreneurs, parents are athletes, dads, a golfer, you know, so this is the path that you’re gonna go to. And listen, I not bad mouthing anyone here not saying that. But I’m just thinking about all the examples of when we decide as people to go pursue something that we really don’t want to do get the degree that you don’t really want, or doesn’t really fit, what you want to do, but you’re doing it because you just want a degree. How unsatisfying would that be? I don’t know. I partied in college. I have no clue. But I will tell you that it was never good enough pursuing the things that other people wanted for me. It was unfulfilling, there was no measure of success that was going to ever really make me happy. Because it was not doing something that fed my soul, felt my spirit, or even really motivated me to want to do anything except make money. And then when I went out and made that money, I went out and bought those hookers and bought that coke and bought that meth actually, I never really bought a lot of meth. I usually just gave up sex. Use your imagination to get the math. So one of the advantages, I guess, of, you know, being whatever sexual I am, or was or is or I don’t know, but that was one of the advantages like, well, if you’re willing to, like, you know, bend over for it, you’re gonna get drugs
it’s just empty. It’s empty. loss means over desire when we speak of lust as it relates to sex. It’s defined as when a person’s body is far more important to you than their soul. My entire sexual history. And you know what, I don’t want to say this because I don’t want people to look at my wife on a but I’ve had a hard time with this in our relationship. Not Listen, my wife was smokin hot. But what I’m saying is, because I’ve over perverted myself, this is the damage over sexualization of children, FYI, because by seven years old, I was already a pervert, a pervert, at seven. When you’re looking 789 1011 12 years old already in you if like bypass the Sears catalog, and you’re already in hustler in hardcore porn, and bisexual porn, and gay porn, and you’re seeing that stuff at that age, where do you think your brain goes from there? Not a good place. It’s got to be more risky, it’s got to be more dangerous. It’s got to be used, and I’m saying unfulfilled. There’s nothing there. And so while I never knew what it was like to really make love, and I’ve learned now, because I’ve learned not only to love myself, but I know I’m have the capability of loving other people. But I battle with lust and needing to pervert things, to be excited to want to go have sex. Because in my brain, no matter what I do, as far as deliverances, and in prayer and Bible reading and everything else. For me to get motivated to have sex, I kind of need to be, well, if I’m not high on drugs, and I don’t use drugs anymore. If I like I got to pervert the situation. I know the thoughts and the images that go through my mind cannot be something that God really likes. And you know what’s crazy, even having to like sometimes work myself up in that way and think those things and go back to the spank bank memory of all these things and all these situations to get me excited. Because you know, I’m an adrenaline junkie. That’s not satisfying either. Loss is destructive. It is void of love. Because when a person’s body is far more important to you than their soul, and mind you my wife soul is more important to me than her body. but it’s a wrestling match for me to maintain this healthy sexual relationship, which I’m in the right to be in with my wife. But I gotta tell you, maybe it’s age, maybe it’s because of all the crazy stuff I did, I don’t know. But I’m at this place that I have two choices. And this is what it’s like for me, and I’m sharing this, it’s so uncomfortable. I don’t want to talk about this. But it added obedience, because of what I’ve promised God that I was going to do is when he gave me a word, I’m going to talk about it, even if I didn’t want to, there’s no telling what’s going to come next. But I want to talk about lust. Because look, it’s sin is death. And we’re gonna get into the what the Bible says about this of sin leads to death. And lust is destructive and lust, knowing what lust is, I mean, I didn’t get HIV for meeting Frosted Flakes. So if I know that this, if I know that this is destructive, and it’s hurting me, where is the balance? Like how do I stop lusting, and then have a normal, healthy sexual relationship with my wife without having to pervert things. And my wife is smoking hot. Like,
I’m trying to get her pregnant, every time we have sex, I want to have a baby with her. I love having a family with my wife. I love all that way more than I did my life in and out of bath houses and orgies and sex clubs and everything else under the sun. None of that was gratifying what I have with my wife is gratifying. But I’m sharing this in hopes that there’s somebody else out there that is struggling with this. So that either one truth attracts your tribe, or to somebody can get delivered from this. And I know for a fact that me talking about this, openly pointing the finger at me. I know that there is a there’s freedom in this, I know that I will be free after I’m done talking about this. Because this is what how God works with me. But the other thing is that I’m hoping by me sharing this, that it will help you rethink stuff, or rethink things, or maybe be able to apply what God says about it so you can go on and heal. Or more importantly, maybe you find the courage that you can open up and be honest about this too. And then when you confess to another brother or sister or whatever it is for you, maybe publicly, you can find freedom. Because there’s too many leaders out there. I don’t care if you’re a pastor or a bishop of a CEO, whatever it may be. There’s a lot of people that suffer in silence with secret sin, secret shame, secret guilt, but that can’t stop. And sex is one of those things that it’s kind of like food, once you’ve eaten food, you’re gonna eat more, or, or, you know, you got to wake up and eat again. Right at some point you gotta eat. Gotta have some clean water. When you’re in a marriage, sex is kind of like that, too. And I know marriage is bigger than sex and you we shouldn’t marry based off of our sexual attraction and, and last and good sex and all that because frankly, the best sex you can well, outside of love, the best sex you have is with crazy, wacko people. I think we can all admit that. But I don’t know if that’s really pleasing to the Lord.
The promise I’m gonna get into the what the Bible says about this. Two reasons relationships, that feed that are based off of lust, fail. These are two reasons why relationships fail, that are based on lush and last. And this makes perfect sense. It’s based on extreme self indulgence, and not caring for the other person. In my sexual history, you were just a toy. You were just there to fill the space to do a function that I wanted, because I had orchestrated this fantasy in my mind. And if you weren’t willing to be a part of it, then get out of my life. Or I was gonna sneak around and get what I wanted from someone else while I’m still with you. I did it most of my life. And those of you who don’t know my testimony and don’t know my story, to further context, I basically was a chem sex addict for 20 years of HIV. I think I’ve already said that. I was a real wreck. I was a cheater and abuser I was all the things I was Basically evil, extremely toxic, and not safe to be around. And you know what, there’s probably days that I’m not safe to be around now. But thank God for Jesus. Because now I can lead a family and we have a good, healthy, amazing family. Praise Jesus for that. And none of this stuff, by the way, is any secret to my wife because I talk about this. And thank God for my wife, because I also can still remain in obedience. And I don’t have someone telling me, No, you can’t talk about that. The other reason is, it’s let’s see, right, like a drunk toddler? Oh, yeah. When you no longer get what you want, you abandon them. Or like I said earlier, in my case, when I’m no longer you’re not serving my purpose anymore. If you don’t give it to me, I’m gonna go find it somewhere else. And of course, I’m gonna lie and gaslight you to death. So you have no clue that I’m cheating. And getting what I want on the side. But it’s destructive. Lust, it’s amazing how you can go from man, those are really nice boobs, two, four day message. That happens that quick, how many? How many stories have you heard of?
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know, he’s just, he listened to me. He heard me like he was hearing what I had to say. And we love all the we live all the same music and we go to the same gym and, and it’s so anybody, he listened to me. And he really gets me and understands me. So I left my husband and my kids. And we’re like, what I mean, there’s the story after story. But it literally starts off what seems innocent? Is God tracking you dead the first time you stare at boobs too long, or the bulge in someone’s pants? No, not necessarily. But when you open the door to that you give an inch, take a mile, whatever that expression is. That’s kind of like sin. And in my case, it’s such a slippery slope. That every time that I give in just to the staring a little bit too long, kind of thing. Or I’m triggered in another way. And I start having those old drug cravings, that old Chem sex things because listen, that picture in my mind has never gone away. I have to sit with it. This is another weird experiment, I have to sit with the thought long enough to go through the cycle of this is why I really don’t want to get on an app right now. This is why I don’t want to look for drugs, because this is what it’s going to lead to. There’s a fine line and walking me through the steps. So I go oh, yeah, I really don’t want to do that. Because I won’t be able to look my wife in the face. I don’t want to lie. I won’t be able to broadcast because my cheeks will be bitten to pieces on the inside. And I’m grinding my teeth. And I look like Skeletor and I’m pale because I haven’t eaten in four days. There’s a fine line have that. And letting it sit too long, where now those images are grained even further in my head, and then I’m looking for relief by going you know, if I just go jack off. I don’t know if I can use that term. Masturbate. If I just go masturbate? I can get rid of the demon. And then I can move on. But does it work that way? Does it really work that way where you move on? I know in my case, not really. That thought doesn’t linger. We’re gonna get into again what the Bible says about this? Because, look, lust again, it’s not just sex. And I keep using boobs as an option. But the fact is this a conversation can trigger me. I can get triggered by watching someone check out my wife. And it’s this weird, really screwed up thing of I think it’s totally hot that this dude is wanting to bang my wife. I think it’s totally hot that he is obsessing over my wife. I think it’s hot that he’s checking out my wife. And then jealousy sprinkled into that somewhere. Because the jealousy part is there. And I think the jealousy part is the part that belongs there. Because why the heck would I want someone to have sex with my wife? Why would I want to share my wife? Why would I want to be a part of an orgy with my wife? Why would I want to do any of these things? When I know all it’s true Are they going to do is lead to torment pain and destruction, especially with my history. And see the thing about drugs and sex. And again, I was almost a 20 year Chem sex addict. In that, you, it’s when you’re, I think when you’re a sex addict, it’s easy to disassociate especially when you have disassociative Identity Disorder, it’s easy to disassociate like I have, I can disassociate pretty easy, but when you’re on drugs, your brain is so out there, it’s like the front part of your brain moved to the back of your brain and the back of your brain just got blown out somewhere. And you just have no irrational note, no rational thought, no rational anything. So all you’re focused on is the pleasure the feeling of the drugs, and I hope I’m not triggering anyone right now. But I’m not thinking about that. So then, like the thoughts sober, make me sick. But then if I go, Well, if I do drugs, then it’s going to make it super fun. Like it used to be forgetting the fact that Oh, see how many times I’ve been to jail? How many times that I disappear? How many embarrassing phone calls that I have to make about having an HIV, you know what I’m saying.
And that slippery slope I was talking about before, is it’s basically giving the devil a foothold. I don’t have all the answers. I just know that lust has destroyed my life. And even though God has rehabilitated and restored so much of what I lost, I know for a fact that I am not everywhere I want to be because I am not 100% obedient. And obedience is the key to unlocking heaven. All that heaven has for you. All that Heaven wants to bring to Earth for you. Is in obedience. And knowing that, knowing that I still because I sometimes get weak, and I or I’m stressed out, and when I’m stressed, it’s a trigger to like want to act out. Because drugs, I loved drugs, I loved him, made the nightmares turn the fantasies took it took away all the pain, it did all the things, it also almost killed me multiple times. But see, when those thoughts first hurt coming, I’m not thinking about the near death. I have to walk myself through the process. And I don’t know how healthy that is. But that’s what I do. And that’s what keeps me from going over the edge, the ledge, the crossing the line, the point of no return, whatever analogy you want to use. That’s me. And I can get and I’ve shared this before, but I can get right on that finish line. Almost close enough to the point that I’m in a car going to get drugs, and then all bets are off. Am I and you haven’t gotten to that point in a long time, several years. But I’m that close. And I don’t want to talk about lust, but I am. I don’t want to put this shadow on me because I don’t want to undermine or demean my wife, who is to me the most perfect gift that God’s ever given me other than my salvation. I don’t want to be disrespectful. I don’t want to trigger people. I don’t want to do anything. But the fact is this I know for 100% fat, that there’s other preachers, other evangelists, other men and women of God, that struggle with lust. And again, it’s not all boobies and packages, and nice butts and nice legs, and nice biceps and all that stuff. It’s not it. It’s not just that. It could be other people’s kids. Because you know, you get little bratty kids making fun of your kids because you know, little kids can be brats. I can be a brat and I’m 43 years old. Not knocking anyone here
I know other people struggle with this because I have a group of pastors. I’m not saying their name. But there’s pastors that I talked to that struggle with the same thing. And I one pastor told me this And it’s helped helping a ton. And I wanted to talk about this walk for a while, but in obedience on what I wait for God to tell me when to talk about it. So now is the time that I’m going to share this. What is the need that needs to be filled? When we’re lusting after something? Again, not just sexually, but when we’re lusting after something, what is the need that needs to be filled? So I’ve asked the question I’ve asked the question a lot to God, when will you free me from my attraction to other men? And again, men that are watching this, it’s not just, it’s not like every guy, it’s not enough about that doesn’t even matter. He doesn’t matter what my type is none of that crap matters. The fact is, there’s some men that I’m attracted to, or there’s certain situations that come up that go, Oh, I remember when I used to do this. And this was a lot of fun. And but I talk so this pastor that I’ve talked to who has dealt with this pretty well. He said, What is the need that needs to be filled? And it took me a while, it actually took me like three days for what he said to hit me to help me see to go back at the very first time that I was molested. How did it happen? Was with people I knew and trust it. Not family members, but it was people I knew and trusted. That trust was broken. The relationship changed. The Brotherhood changed, the feeling safe changed. All that changed when I was seven. And ever since then, I’ve had a very challenging time. Trusting men feeling safe around men. Coincidentally, which is really screwed up about this is like, I didn’t feel safe, didn’t trust men, all that stuff. But I still had sex with a lot of men. I know it doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t make sense to me either. Except for the fact that well, drugs helped a lot. What is the need? 43 years old. I don’t hang out with anyone but my wife and kids. I don’t have friends at the gym. I don’t have friends. Really anywhere. I mean, I’m friendly with people and say hello. And yeah, I mean, I have some people now that I that call and talk to but I don’t have people I hang out with. And as men, we shouldn’t hang out with other men not for sex. But saying that, like brotherhood stuff. You know, hunting, fishing, going to work out, going to a ballgame, having tea coffee. I don’t know, what a guy’s do. I don’t even really know, because of my life before, was about partying all the time. So I don’t really know. But here’s the other thing. I’m freaking weird. I know. I’m weird. And I don’t necessarily have a ton. I mean, I do have a lot of masculine interest, like, you know, monster trucks and football and professional wrestling. Even though I’ve watched in a while. I like sports and athletics, and I like macho stuff. But you know, I also like, a lot of girl stuff. Like I’ve always had a ton of girlfriends. Which is weird, too, because I was an abuser, and a cheater, and a narcissist. But I had and have more female friends than I do men. But I don’t hang out with anyone but my wife. And it’s been that way. Every male influence that has come in my life is when I started allowing them, it hasn’t really turned out the way I had hoped. mentorships friendships all that?
My hopes and my optimism was bigger. And then I tried to say, well, I don’t need anybody I’m meant to be, you know, just me and my family and me and my tribe. And that’s it. And that it’s worked great. But if I’m looking back at it and identifying the need, well, the need is companionship, that’s from another male. And again, not in a sexual way. But that’s the need. But here’s the thing. You know how you lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink? Well, I’ve been led to the water of the truth of the situation. I’ve got this, like, Okay, so that’s really what this is, and it’s not that I want to go out and be a horror again. Or a junkie or you know, sexual deviant. That’s not really what it is. And it’s just companionship. How do I do that? I don’t know. I actually have no idea. And I don’t know how many minutes when I hang out with me after seeing this. Half the stuff I talk about so uncomfortable for people. I completely get why they would be uncomfortable hanging out with me. I’m an odd duck, especially one that doesn’t keep secrets. Oh, I wish I would have kept some secret. Actually, no, I take that back. Because then I would be an obedient disobedience to God. What does God say about this? What does God say about lust? Let’s get into it and find out. This one, sheesh, Matthew 528. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart, I told you before, it’s a slippery slope from Oh Goobies to forge a meth bench. That sounds super extreme. But that’s what it’s like. And I keep saying boobies. Like, I wasn’t like having sex with everybody. But I mean, you know, I like boots. It’s weakness. Stare my wife’s all the time. But
you I know that how dangerous that slippery slope is. It’s the boiling frog analogy. You know, put a pot water set the burner, put the frog in the frog is going to stay on their toes, a cook, Goose done. Because it doesn’t recognize the incremental increase of the temperature centers like that. But for me, it escalates from, again, one mile an hour to 8000 like that. First John to 16 For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh, and the desires of the eyes and pride and possessions. It is not from the Father, but from the world. Think that this is so this is the social media verse. The desires of our eyes and the pride of our possessions. What is social media? It is a almost said something super inappropriate. Um it’s it. The whole thing is a brag fest. I saw something today. I mean, in look, I it’s great, good for your accomplishments, all of that. But that’s what it is we only post highlights, or something that we believe is going to move people how many texts or how many posts do delete, because it’s like, oh, that’s not getting any love. Or like, maybe I should rephrase that. So it’ll get, you know, more more attention. Let me strategically post this and write it in a way that I know the algorithms gonna love. And oh, I know, it loves pictures of food, and it loves pictures of its selfies and whatever. But it the whole thing is like, it’s it’s Look at me. You’re my followers, I’m following you to follow your success in your dreams, and what you have to say. And I look, I know how innocent it can be. But I also know if you really break it down. It’s actually the exact opposite of what God wants from us. And it’s hard to not look at post of other people’s success, and their accomplishments and their trophies and their cars and their and the women that they have or the men that they have and, and not kind of go I kinda wish I had that. And every time we do that, we’re just like spinning in God’s face. Because what God has for you is far greater than anything. That living someone else’s life would do for you. Because you don’t belong in that life. You don’t those things aren’t yours. That’s what God had for them. And you trying to step in those shoes to take that is saying God, I don’t trust you. But that’s what this is. And I know that there’s some there’s a connection there even with sexual lusting and it’ll probably come to me later. Galatians 516 But I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of your flesh. You know, I’ve said This before another broadcast talking about purpose and faith is that when you’re living in your purpose and you’re doing, you’re aligned with what God created you to do, you don’t have time to be racist, you don’t have time to be jealous, you don’t have time to be envious, and you really don’t have time for the lowest distraction either. Because that I would imagine that last would take your would suck your attention away faster, and more than anything else. And that’s what it is. You know, the one thing about Twitter is Twitter is just about everyone firing off opinions. And you don’t really get caught up in that, oh, what would they have thing there, but Instagram, Facebook, it’s like, it’s so Tumblr. It’s soul sucking. And I even now I find myself looking at people’s post and I get angry, sometimes. I have to fight that. Because I chose a different path. And I that’s the path I chose doesn’t make me more right, or anyone else wrong, because I chose the path. And I believe that God sent me to do what God’s called me to do. Well, there’s a sacrifice with that. And it’s hard to remember that I’m not trying to win the world.
I’m not trying to be a success in the world’s eyes, although it is, that would be amazing. But if I’m a success in the world’s eyes, that means that same world is going to turn their back on me, or they’re going to have knives out ready to attack me. And also they’re going to be while the chair on the way up, they’re going to be the first ones to cheer for my downfall. Because you have to fit into that box that made you popular with them in the first place. I don’t do boxes very well. I don’t do boxes very well. And I know that but it still doesn’t keep me from going, oh, gosh, I wish. And then I start tripping. And I started thinking that I want someone else’s life and I don’t. Because the life I get to live is not in the confines of any person of this world. There’s no government, there’s no teacher, there’s no church, there’s no anybody that has any say over my life, except for God. be lonely sometimes. But that’s the truth. And the only success that I truly want is the success that God has for me, because I belong and that success. And that success, the success the way that God sees it. No one can take from me. But if I go try to take someone else’s success that didn’t, that didn’t belong to me, and you know what’s gonna happen? It’s gonna go away. So Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call the Lord from a pure heart. Second Timothy 222. So flee yourself out. So flee youth. So Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.
I don’t know, the last broadcast I did that you will never see because there’s no sound I shared about how awful it is, that I could be coming out of some perverted thought or feeling. And then start praying, asking for God to bless me with such and such or go from praying that way. Two minutes later, be caught up in lust of something that is not a pure heart and someone a pure heart. And I got to do better. Because if, if obedience is what unlocks the gates of heaven, the kingdom of heaven, the kingdom of God, if that’s what does it, if that’s what brings like it, that’s what helps manifest our purpose and what God created us to and if that’s what gets us to the destination we were intended to get to faster. Why would I not beat this in my head? That lust is destructive and that obedience is the key. So flee. Flee from the lust. And it comes at you every which way. Bible verse boobies. I follow Christians on social media. I follow up course I follow a lot of people on social media, I do a lot of different people. But I really try to avoid the people that are going to be posting Kouchi shots, crotch shots, you know, look at my boob shots. And then Bible verse, boobies. Bible verse boobies just sneak out of nowhere, because you follow Christians, and then all of a sudden, you know, and listen, I’m not judging you. Because I you know, I think deep down in the back of my head, the loss trigger really loves it. But any man that tells you that they’re not lusting after that. Or it doesn’t make them have to go, Oh, geez. There’s their lion. Because no one’s seeing the Bible verse between your nipples, just saying they’re looking at your nipples. And it’s obvious when we are like, you have a picture. And you’re positioning yourself. But here’s the Bible verse where the microphone is, and you’re presenting yourself like, or, or I don’t know, all the other ones like, Oh, John 316. You’ve seen him. I saw it today. And this is, you know, the people that have the Bible verses in their profile, file. And abs, so I’m not hating. I’m just saying that there’s a lust trap everywhere. And social media is just made it where it’s all the things. And people know, if you put boobs, or you got some nice biceps or whatever, you put it in a photograph, it’s gonna get more likes because people want to see skin. Because skin is in. And you know what? It’s really hard not to look at. It’s hard not to look at and I’m not shaming or anyone because you know what, I’m a set for it. And I’m shame
that the message is lost when the message was put between your boobs. Flee from sexual immorality, every other sin a person commits is outside of the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. I’m actually glad I got to redo this because that point is something that verse right there. Flee from sexual immorality, every other sin a person commits is outside of the body. But the sexually immoral person sends against his own body is on body. If you know what soul ties are. It’s a it’s like a transfer looks. So when you have sex, you’re transferring energy. There is a soul tie and especially if you’re sweat, semen, any of that other stuff goes because that’s energy. And that goes that is how a soul tie happens. I mean, there’s obviously there’s probably a more detailed explanation. But everyone you’ve slept with, you have a soul tie to and this if you’ve had that removed you know why people love xx not ecstasy, sex, but like sex with exes. Because it serves a it’s it fulfills a need temporarily. But there’s, it’s because there’s a soul fragment. If you’ve ever been in a relationship and you can’t get that other person out of your mind, it’s a good indication that you shouldn’t relationship hop until you’ve healed from the last, you know, crappy relationship you’re in and I’m so guilty of that. I was finding new girlfriends before the ex girlfriends broke up or like before we even before the relationship even ended I was already looking for a replacement. Going back to you weren’t fulfilling what I wanted. You weren’t doing what I wanted. You weren’t letting me sleep with other people in the relationship so you know what screw you I’m gonna go do it anyway. I’m gonna disappear for four days
God I just now it makes me think of abortion and, and listen, I’m never it’s I I’m not gay. gonna tell you what to do with your body. But I don’t want you telling what to do with mine either. It’s I think abortion is gross. I’ve had multiple women get abortions, I paid for a bunch of them. I don’t know one of those people who felt good and feel good now about their abortions. But it’s not for me to tell you. It’s not for me to judge you. It’s not for me to shame you. I’m not doing that. I don’t agree with only because of what I’ve experienced. And I know that there’s justifications in that if the mom’s about to die. Like, I don’t know, all the technicalities of all the things that can happen. They’re rare. And I do believe to say the mom saved the mom’s life like, you know, I mean, that’s a real honest to God, like discussion that you should have. And it’s not for me to say, I’m just telling you, the abortions that I was a part of were abortions out of, well, we don’t want to have a baby. That isn’t good. And I’ll have to answer for that. I’m sure. Even though I’ve been forgiven, I feel like I’m going to answer for it. But sexual sin is this is what gets us into bad situations again. Yeah, I mean, get outside of all the sexual diseases, the mental handicap that it becomes the devil, like, I don’t know how important you know, what, how important is your purpose to you. Because if your purpose in why you’re created, and living your dreams, all that stuff is like your main thing. Like, I want to do all the God’s created me to do and like I’m all in, I’m surrendered for this. You gotta realize, for the enemy to win, all it has to do is distract you. Because think about this just gonna be real. I wanted to bail on during this broadcast. And some of you are probably going yeah, you probably should have, but no muscle through this anyway, um after I did the last broadcast, and then I figured out, oh, wait a second, there’s no sound. Again. I didn’t want to do it again. And all of a sudden, I had all this free time on my hands. On like, I just did a whole hour and a half broadcast on lust, and talking about how I don’t want this for my life, because I’d really don’t like I want to have a healthy relationship with sex. And I want to do things the right way. And I want to make God happy. And I want to my wife to be proud of me. And I want my kids to be proud of me. And I want to be a good example for that.
And the temptation to look at porn or do whatever to let go of the tension and the energy that I have, because now I have these hours to kill crept up pretty big. And I’ve literally had to go if I don’t do this broadcast, I don’t think that I probably gonna give in. So I’m doing this broadcast. Because I want to be obedient. And I can’t imagine after talking about obedience for an hour and a half earlier, I can’t imagine and obedient was doing the broadcast that I didn’t want to do. When he gave me the word last. And then I was like, Well, I can do it tomorrow. But that’s not what he said for me to do. So do it today. But yeah, but I did. I already did two other broadcast. I mean, the first one was like 15 minutes. And the second one was, was, you know, an hour and a half. Mike I Oh, God, I understand. How many of us have done that? Oh, God, I understand. You can wait till tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes?
Or what if, by me not being obedient, that looking at porn or whatever, really does lead to afford a meth bench because it’s a slippery slope and it can happen that fast when I used to be you know in my I don’t even want to call it an addiction because it was more like an obsession freak demon thing but addiction will go with addiction I remember the there’d be times that like I’m wrestling with myself about no I’m not gonna do it I’m not gonna do it. Like I’m gonna say no no I can’t I can’t show up you know, and then I’ll get the text like hey man, I got some really special fire which is meth or I’ve got some pure stuff you know, like you’re gonna love it. It didn’t take much back then to get me to go home. And then next thing I know I’m gone for four days in and out of bathhouses, orgies doing all that crap
I’m so glad that that is not in my life anymore but I have I just know I’m right there. At this this line I go I toe the line so much. Sometimes I do it on purpose. Sometimes I don’t really do it on purpose because it’s just the way I am. sighs What I tell myself but those times it’s like when I’m fighting and wrestling oh my god, I don’t want to do this anymore. I just take this from me this is before it gave my life to the Lord. But even then I gave it a couple times. It’s like I don’t want to do this and like literally the next thing I know my next memory is I’m walking in the front door of the person’s house or the next memory I really have is leaving that person’s house 24 hours later looking at 20 Missed Calls. Where are you at? Where you at? Where are you at? That was my life. Why after lie after lie after lie
such an uncomfortable broadcast.
Beloved, I urge you, beloved I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh which wages war against your soul timely verse first Peter to 11 because that’s what that is. That’s war when you’re battling yourself I don’t want to do that but then you’re going anyway you lost the battle you lost that battle is a sin against your body because one disease I allowed disease into my life
the health from drugs which isn’t last but the sure as heck fueled the last go honey, you want to talk about that? Like that is a memory lane. I don’t want to go down
it’s so crippling. And then if you imagine if you’re married and you’ve become one What are you doing to that relationship? The family dynamic. I believe family is the most in God’s eyes other than our hearts other than us loving like family is one of the most special things to him. And when we give in to our lust we are robbing our family of something that’s very very important. Our attention our focus, our love really even leadership because last is kind of like a crutch like picking up a cigarette. Getting that nicotine hit
Do not desire her beauty and your heart and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes. I’m laughing because when I was talking about girly stuff before, like I can talk to women about lashes, because you know, it was in lash business. I’m in cosmetics and skincare and like I can have these conversations all day. And I gotta tell you, these little eyelashes are hypnotizing. James 114 to 15. But each person is tempted when he is learned and enticed by his own desire, than desire, when it has conceived gives birth to sin. And when sin is fully grown death
The wages of sin are death. And I will tell you, I can give a lot of examples of the past of what death felt like. But there is no greater awful feeling than feeling separated from God. It’s kind of like, what is it when people talk about when they change their diet, and they’re used to eating junk. So they’re used to feeling like crap. So you’re just kind of like numb to fill in like crap and not having no energy. And that just feels like the norm, right? But then you start eating healthy, and you have more energy and you feel more sustained. And it’s like a whole food versus a sugary doughnut. I don’t know if I already. That was the last broadcast that I said that. I’ve already said it in this one and anyway, doesn’t matter. It’s not fulfilling. There’s no substance there. But they’re being separated from God. Like once you have him in your heart in your life, and you have the Holy Spirit. And you get to see what the fruits of the Spirit is like, and you recognize what the fruits of the spirit feels like when it’s all over your body. And when it’s coming out of you how people respond to you. And of course, some people don’t like the light, but when you’re in the light, you don’t really get bothered by evil so much. But then when you allow that sin and you start to die, your soul starts to dissipate, or whatever that word is that slowly fades away. And and then you start asking questions like where are you God? Why aren’t you here? In the answer is this will I’m here, but I don’t want inside that body with that polluted, gross sin. Last deviancy. I don’t need that. Yeah, I’m the Holy Spirit. I don’t belong in that garbage. So I’ll tell you what you repent from that. You you you ask for forgiveness, and you turn away from that sin. And then I’ll make my presence felt again. Holy Spirit doesn’t want to be in a dead body. The Holy Spirit’s there to give a life. Holy Spirit, don’t hang out dead people don’t want to be done. I mean, I will die to this fleshy bit fleshly body, but I don’t know. I want all Holy Spirit. I want all that God has for me.
Buddhism meant for the stomach and the stomach for food. And God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality and the Lord for the body. First Corinthians 613 I want to let where’s that other one? Here’s one. That’s okay. This is the one I’m going to finish with. I didn’t read this one last time. To put off your old self which belongs to your former manner of life is corrupt through deceitful desires. When I gave my life to the Lord, it was a full surrender. My life is no longer my own. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to wrestle my life back from God sometimes. I get impatient when I see other people getting their shine, and I’m happy for by the way. I’m happy For people getting their shine for people becoming successful, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t infuriate me to make me a little bit jealous and make me want to go, when’s my turn God
and the truth is I don’t want anyone else’s life because I love mine. Especially love what God has shaped my life into. I don’t want to talk about lust. I want to keep this a secret. I want to keep it like, you know, under wraps and like, oh, it’s like, oh, it’s like, oh, my Watson Well, other than losing my temper, and being short, and you know, I mean, so I have a few cents
but I don’t feel good talking about this. You know why? Because not fully delivered from it. And I think that that’s why people keep secrets. Like, why would you confess something that you’re just going to do again?
What’s the point? How many times have you said I repent for my sin to do it again the next day
flea, flea, flea flea flee
it is absolutely amazing to me. How the Bible’s message about lust is so on point. In fact, last is gotta be Well, I think it already said it. That’s the most destructive sin because it’s of the body. I mean, I guess self mutilation and, you know, destroying your temple was part of that, but lust because there’s so much attached to it. I mean, I think of all the, the sex like seances and weird witchy witchcraft, sex I had and the witches I had sex with and like I just the occultic stuff that I surrounded myself around like that was a level of evil. And that was meant to go to a sacred spiritual not in a good way place. Or I guess it was good in the minds of the time. soul ties and how it stays with you, the DNA of people you’ve had sex with, or with you. It doesn’t go away to you pray it away. To you have deliverance. It’s so damaging. Yet our mind lies to us and talks about how special and how awesome it is, and how it’s going to take away all the pain and it just makes the pain worse.
I want what God has for me. I want to be I want to have a clean and pure heart. I don’t want to look at anyone in a way that’s a Rabee or lust for and I use the word rabies because I think when you’re lusting after someone it can it could probably feel pretty rapey for that person especially if they don’t want it
don’t know if I don’t know if this was for me. Or someone out there that’s listening right now. But when I if you’re secretly struggling with us, I want to tell you that not only are you not alone
No, you’re you’re not alone. But this is nothing to celebrate. But it’s also nothing to beat ourselves up over with either. Because that’s just going to lead to more shame or guilt and it’s not going to change anything. So I’m going to do something. I’m not real good at these kinds of prayers, but I’m going to try anyway. And I’m going to pray that the Holy Spirit helps. And if you feel inclined, if you’re struggling with lost of any kind, maybe say this prayer to
Heavenly Father, I surrender.
I surrender this addiction to lust that I have. And I know that you’ve healed me in amazing ways. But I believe every word that you say, and one word that you say, and you’ve put on my heart that if I don’t heal all the wounds of my past, I will never receive all that you have for me. And it’s not just about things. But I want to fulfill the purpose that you created me for. And I’m willing to surrender and give up anything that gets in the way of you doing the main thing. So not only do I repent from lust, of lusting, of wanting other people’s things, or getting outside of myself and desiring something that doesn’t belong to me I also surrender. The weakness that I have towards sex. I surrender my unhealthy relationship with sex to you Lord. Please renew my heart, renew my mind and renew my eyeballs to help me see pure light
and nothing of this world I love you. Thank you for forgiving me in Jesus name.
It’s kind of interesting. When I used to do these kind of broadcasts with gratitude, unfiltered, it was like right after a relapse or, you know, or when I was working through things, and I’m not the same man that I was when gratitude unfiltered when I was doing that show. And I haven’t had a relapse. But I do know that the monster of last hasn’t left me it’s it’s still like the drug of choice. Or has been and so I could feel all this brewing inside of me, and I could feel myself wanting to go to the edge. I’m a thrill seeker. I’m a an adrenaline junkie. And I was wanting to go to the edge
and I’ve heard people say that nothing good grows in the dark and I believe that I believe it because God’s instruction to me was to put a spotlight on my shadow world. And and even though I no longer live in the shadow world, I can still see the shadows and the shadows are still more comfortable for me than the light. I’m still more comfortable around deviance or former deviance than I am people that share my faith
And I don’t know what that’s about. But I know it’s very, very real. Maybe it’s a safety thing, maybe it’s what are you going to judge me? I don’t know. Because then that way for all the life that I can remember. But I am nothing without the Lord, I would not be here without the Lord. And without obedience, I definitely do not have what God has blessed me with now. So I pray, even though I’m going to second get the guest the crap out of this broadcast. I pray that this meant something and mattered to someone. Because I can’t tell you that I feel any better.
But there is a lot of shame around this subject. And I refuse to live in shame, or with guilt. There’s freedom and confession, there’s freedom and repentance, and there’s freedom and obedience. And I want all that, I hope you do too. We are coming into a time, a very different time that people do not even see that’s coming. So I’m not going to spend any time talking about those things. But I want to encourage you to get your heart right with the Lord. And this isn’t about judgment. But this is well, actually it’s about his judgment. And the world is going to be judged. In you know, the feeling when God’s knocking at your door, when he’s knocking at your heart. And he’s saying let me I got something better for you. All I can tell you is I don’t know what that better is for you. But I promise you, it’s better. My experience. It’s better. And I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not perfect. I’m definitely not a choirboy. But I will tell you with 1,000% certainty, that the life the Lord has for you is better than the one that you’ve drugged up yourself. And it’s even better than the dreams and visions that he’s given you. He exceeds all that. That is why I’m willing to embarrass myself
because my God talk about embarrassing, but my life before him was embarrassing. So I’ll put up with this for now. Because I want to please the Lord and that is the number one thing for me. And I can’t make it be the number one thing for you. But kind of like how Chem sex became like the main thing for me. It’ll lead to nowhere
knowing what I know now, with life with Jesus. This is the only thing that really matters because there is nothing else to care about without because I wouldn’t be here thank you for watching.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai