Joshua “The World’s Mayor” discusses his journey with Dissociative Identity Disorder, where he is at currently and shares a devotional from the series Holy Spirit: Are We Flammable Or Fireproof? called It’s For All.
The Live Mana Network is broadcast all over the world on your favorite streaming audio and video platforms like Apple TV, ROKU, Amazon Fire, and iTunes. You can also find us on Google News, and other print mediums.
Joshua T Berglan 0:00
Hey, what’s up everybody? This is Joshua, I am the world’s mayor and I am so grateful that you’re here today. I’m just gonna pull this microphone right here. Probably push mute. So, typically, I’m in a suit, typically, you know, there’s some flash and pizzazz, and crazy energy behind, you know, my broadcast, which I think most people have known. And then, of course, the other day for those of you who saw it, after our interview with miracle, did a solo broadcast, but really, it was just speaking from the heart of where I’m at, with DID and other things like that. I want to say this, that I’m a little discombobulated right now. Because I don’t know the proper way to dive into all of this. And I have got a devotional I’m going to read, it’s called it’s for all that spoke to me today. And I feel like it would speak to you too. But I want to say this, before I get into it. I’ve talked about DID before and and I always talk about it in a way. I don’t know if I’m even talking about this experience the right way, I’m doing the best I can with it, because it has had such a huge impact on my life. A huge impact. I kind of like holding this. I don’t think you’re supposed to hold these mics like that. But do it anyway. Because I can, why not? Anyway. It’s really hard for me to talk about disassociative Identity Disorder in a way that doesn’t make me sound insane. Because the fact is DID is literally the most insane experience that I’ve that I’ve that I’ve ever had. Of course, it’s brought me some of the most crazy experiences because the way that it works is that sometimes it’s not really me doing the things that I’m doing, even though it’s me doing the things that I’m doing. It’s a Soul Split, there’s multiple souls. That’s why the idea is disassociative Identity Disorder, therefore, there’s a fragmented soul. There’s bunch of souls and believe it or not, this is by design so that people don’t go completely insane and don’t feel all of their trauma. Now, for me having tons of trauma early on, it doesn’t even come close in comparison to the trauma that I did to myself and I did to others. And even after giving my life to the Lord, I’ve struggled beyond your wildest imagination, to live a same normal life. I wanted to live a normal life I gave up on that. I have not given up on my healing. And there’s been multiple times in multiple broadcasts that I’ve jumped on and gone, I’m healed on delivered I’m set free, only to find out months later. Not so much. Is some of it my responsibility? Probably.
Joshua T Berglan 3:38
Probably, probably is my responsibility. I don’t know how. One of the things that I did originally and my healing journey with the idea was going this path to retrain triggers. But then, only to find out there’s a truckload. More triggers waiting for me that are brought on to relationships, co working, marriage, lunch, friendships, any of it, navigated this up to this point. And since I’ve started walking, walking with the Lord for the last six years, I’ve got it’s gotten better. It’s gotten better. I’ve done less damage to people but I still have done damage. And by the way, I want to go back to my Polish comment broadcasting, the pizzazz, the suit all that stuff. I wear a suit when I broadcast typically because I want to do a world tour. Like I have my own version of The Tonight Show in my brain of what I want to do with it. And I want to travel the world with it and how we want to impact people how we want to serve the whole plan. It’s like right here. This is my plan. This is what I want to do. This is what my calling is To my destiny, I’m not there yet. And that’s probably because, well, you know, I get momentum and then I shoot myself in the foot or I have a switch and I am not Joshua for a while. And then I have a weird engagement as far as communication with somebody. And it sets that relationship apart. So what that relationship was supposed to be in my mind is not living the life that where I see things that aren’t there, or but here’s the thing. Sometimes it’s a blessing. Sometimes, it’s not all of my if you’ve watched all of our broadcasts, and a few of you actually have followed since I started this journey. It’s been a weird roller coaster ride. And it’s been full of lots of chaotic, crazy, spontaneous decisions that seem very reactive. And, and there’s been times where it’s just like, I’m on this amazing path, and I am exactly the man that you want to bet on to to lead people from hell. And I’ve heard it argued before and said from other people that well, when I have these switches, and I turn into these other people, that I’m showing why I can’t be trusted. And why you can’t I’m not a safe bet. Well, let me tell you something. Here’s why I’m a safe bet. Because I’m going to be honest about it. And because that’s what God’s called me to do. And I’m not a safe bet, in the sense that you want to just trust that everything that I do is going to be right. No, no. And I will, I will also say this that I very well can be saying something to you that in the moment is true. But the other side of that is if one of my alters shows up, that may not be true anymore. And that’s my life. And I make excuses for lying. Because honestly, what that person is saying is truthful. But it’s coming from a completely different perspective than me. I know that sounds insane. I know that sounds so freakin weird. But you can read about disassociative identity disorder. And mind you I’ve learned, like how to function at a high level. I mean, for the first time in my life, I have, like, I’m surrounded by people that love me. And like, I actually know that they love me. They and and part of that is because they know what they’re dealing with. They’re choosing to love me. Even though I’m not always the same guy. Jessica has chosen to love me.
Joshua T Berglan 8:14
The idea has affected everything I’ve done everything I do. I mean, look, it’s pretty convenient that we’ve chosen to serve and only serve and just trust that God will provide. Because every working relationship I’ve had since I gave my life to the Lord has been a disaster. And the reason why is not because God doesn’t want me to work, I work my butt off now for insane hours. But I also have plenty of family time and everything else. But working with people, it’s been impossible for me up until recently, because now I’m working with all of these different companies and all of these different businesses and helping them do different things. In fact, that help is what helped pay our rent and paid for our, our network and everything else. But like, the thing that’s kind of crazy about living this life where we serve and only serve I mean, look this, this is what God instructed me to do. And every time I’ve tried to break away from that weird things have happened. Now, this time around getting to work with all of these businesses. It’s a kingdom relationship. And those of you who are not familiar with Kingdom work, it’s like you trade value for value. That’s it like money doesn’t really enter the conversation. However, money does play a role, but it’s not the focus. The focus is serve first and then you’re rewarded for what you do. And it seems very, very simple. And it is and I can’t wait to have more of these assignments but I think God put that on my heart is so that I could just focus on very, very little, which sounds kind of strange, but I don’t need more thoughts in my head. I don’t need more noise up here. And that’s what happens when you’re being given orders and, you know, controlled and told what to do even though it’s like, I feel like I’m supposed to do it this way. So now, I get to live by the Spirit. And mind you, I don’t do everything right, being led by the Spirit, because sometimes it could be the wrong Spirit leading me. But for the most part, I’m Spirit lead. And it’s the only way I’ve known how to navigate anything in this life, since I gave my life to the Lord. And yet, it’s also being led by the spirits. I mean, do the most insane things. Things that just don’t even seem rational. I think I mean, so you factor that in with already talking about having di D. And then some people still judge me from my past. And I want to talk about this to look at my previous life. I did a lot of bad things. I mean, it was abusive. I was a chem sex addict, I did all these things. But the biggest part of that is I did all of it in the shadows. I heard a lot of people. I heard a lot of people with lies and manipulation, and to get to feed this demon so you, you better watch out.
Joshua T Berglan 11:44
Like, I’ve walked away from that life, but you got to understand that I’m not healed. I’m not somebody that it should be a pastor, and leading a church because I may bite your face off. I may seriously bite your nose off. If you say something that offends me, and I’m working on offense. You trigger me, I don’t know what’s gonna come out. I mean, I live in a bubble. For the most part, yeah, come out and play. And, you know, I’m around people, but I go to controlled environments for the most part. Because I’m working on healing and learning to avoid these triggers. Or how to not let them affect me, even the ones that sneak up on me. But I don’t want to sit here and act like I got it all together. And I know it’s really simple, because you hear a lot of people behind a pulpit. You know, preachers say this, well, I’m not perfect, I’m a sinner, but I’m going to I’m not perfect in a way that I may not be the same person. And that person doesn’t necessarily share the same values as me. But it still happens. Mind you, the things that happened back then and half an hour are not the same. But they’re things that most people would be ashamed of. And I shared openly about this in that last broadcast. And if you want to know, go watch it, it’s the one with miracle sins. The commentary after call though, our conversation was good. Jessica joined that. But there’s times that I’m not nice, or not in control of myself. So when I talk about my relationship with God and my dependence on him, and my love for Jesus, I’m not saying that to say, look at me and look how holy I am. And look how perfect I am. You should do anything like you know, you should listen to everything I say, and do everything I say and all of that know. My love for Jesus, and my need for Jesus. And my love for God and my dependency on God is because without him, I am not a good person. Don’t have a good heart. I don’t have good intentions. Without him no empathy, no love, no compassion, no sincerity, no authenticity, just Jesus. So people can criticize me about my mental health issues and say it’s demonic. You don’t know what you’re talking about. People can criticize me for talking about my love for Jesus. And then also talking about my attraction to men or my unhealthy relationship with sex. And the way that I view it in the way that I see it. I have a weird relationship with love, because it’s new to me.
Joshua T Berglan 15:22
I’m not trying to put myself on the level of pastors, or preachers, or even tops, paid speakers. I’m just doing my thing. I’m doing what God’s told me to do. And let’s be honest. That’s what the Spirit has led me to do is to put a spotlight on my shadow world and talk about it. You can judge me, you can make fun of me, you can say, you’re crazy, you’re full of it, you’re you can call me all the names in the world. And it’s not gonna matter. The one thing I have on my side, no one can ever take from me as truth. And the courage, to be honest about things that are ugly.
Joshua T Berglan 16:09
I have so I have more questions about God and more questions about the Bible and more questions about my faith than I have answers. But yet my heart for God, my love for God and my dependency on him is stronger every day, even as the questions get bolder. Even as I tell people, I’m going to just walk this way out of living and figuring out who I am, I’m going to allow myself if I see a guy I’m attracted to, I’m not going to shame myself about it. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go like, bend over or bend them over or whatever. No, it doesn’t mean that. But one of the biggest triggers I have is not feeling good enough and not feeling worthy enough and not feeling like I’m loved and not worthy of love. And then I and then challenging my own, like me, not hating me. I’m not letting that enter my space. So you can call me blasphemous for saying that I’m going to just embrace the fact that I’m attracted to men to you can say I’m blasphemous, I’m going to hell, and I’m an abomination to the Lord. You can say that, but that’s not what God says about me. Oh, I know what it says in the Bible. But God didn’t say that about me. And it didn’t say it about other gay people are bisexual people or whatever their label is, I won’t label mine because well, it changes with the wind. Because you know what the truth is, there’s days that I wake up that I’m not attracted to men. There’s days that I wake up, that I’m asexual. There’s other days that I wake up that I’m like, I don’t even know what to call it. But I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about obedience and doing what God’s called me to do. And that’s to be open and talk about where I’m at. As always pretty. And so one thing I want to make clear with all of this crazy God is still moving us forward. We lost our network for day because we again have chosen to live by faith and that trust that God will provide and to do what he’s called us to do and like it’s gotten hairy but here’s the thing I’m okay with having my faith tested because God always shows up and he always provides and in he has not proven me wrong after six years of living this life this way. He like all I’ve seen is more fruit. And I believe there was a reason why we haven’t had the huge financial breakthrough yet I believe there’s a reason and it No, it’s not because I’m saying that I’m okay with going to not shame myself that I’m attracted to men. No, I don’t believe that. That’s how God punishes because I’m being honest. Now God gets a chance to correct me if this is not right for me. I don’t need a man to correct me. Your opinion doesn’t mean anything like that. Like that won’t affect me your opinion. It may be valid. But you’re not going to sway where I’m at. And for that matter, while you’re busy trying to tell me where I’m wrong or where I’m right or any of the other stuff like do we really want to look at your life too. This is not a competition up Whose holy or who’s not, I don’t care about that. I’m not playing that game. I’m not trying to be a deacon at the church. I’m trying to show people away out of hell. And I’m not even talking about the fiery hell, I’m talking about the hell that we put ourselves in. We put ourselves in hell every day with our own judgment and self persecution, allowing other people’s opinions to hurt us. living someone else’s life. That’s blasphemous, trying to be something you’re not that’s blasphemous, that’s against God. Like, you can say, same sex is against God, you can say that. But what else could be said? That is being done. Like while you’re pointing the fingers at other people like in here’s the other thing, most people do this crap in the shadows, like I’m bringing it to the light.
Joshua T Berglan 21:08
Because it’s a lot different, operating in the shadows than it is in the light. Like the mindset just give you an idea, I’m gonna take you back to my hookup days. Probably not appropriate. But what are the biggest worry I had was, like getting caught. But it’s really, really easy to hide. There’s ways to hide your steps. There’s ways to to manipulate and deceive. But when you’re there, the biggest fear is getting caught. But there’s also a huge part of the person that wants to get caught. Because I don’t believe it’s natural to want to hide, I believe. In fact, I believe that it’s so foreign to us to hide to live in shame to keep secrets. I think there’s a reason why it poisons us. But then we, you know, keep doing it. And eventually that feeling wears off where we don’t recognize the poison. It’s kind of like the very first time you eat sugar. And you’ve experienced that crash. Well, eventually you get used to the Sugar Effect, and you don’t recognize that you’re filling death, you’re just used to fill in my death. There’s no worse feeling in the world than feeling dead because you’re not being honest with who you are. And again, your honesty about where you’re at. could change. That’s why I’m being honest about where I’m at. Because if I’m meant to change, if I’m meant to be something I’m not then dadgummit because I brought this to the light, then God’s going to correct it. Till everything works. When we remove our secrets, when we surrender our pain and our fear and we say God, I trust you with this. Now you’ve given God the opportunity to do something with it, but when you’re keeping it a secret God’s not going to do anything with it. It’s just going to poison you. So here I am. This is part of my healing is to talk about where I’m at
Joshua T Berglan 23:29
this is what the Holy Spirit has led me to do. So with that said, let’s read actually gonna do this. Yeah, way easier. The Holy Spirit is not distributed by the lottery. With a few people selected to receive it is not a game of chance. There are no winners or losers. Those whom God calls He equips. There’s more than enough power to go around. No one is left out. And no one it’s leftovers. Don’t disqualify yourself when you were already accepted. The Scriptures are clear and without vagueness. The baptism in the Holy Spirit is not just a few of God’s favorites. No, God has no favorites. In fact, we are all his favorites. On the day of Pentecost, 120, men and women were in the upper room in Jerusalem, and we read an x two three and four. Then there appeared to them divided tongues as a fire and one sat upon each of them. And they are all filled with the Holy Spirit. If It was no coincidence, and no lottery, each of the 120 and all were filled, their gender was not a consideration. And neither was the age nor race nor status in life. Somebody Heaven must have counted the heads since one flame landed on each of them. If you ever had, God has a flame for you. Right now, his count includes you, you shall receive power x one eight. Just imagine your head becomes a landing strip for the fire of the Holy Spirit. He lands in abides never to take off again. Every one of the 120 disciples in the upper room on the day of Pentecost received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. No one was left out. It was not just for the 12 apostles that we know or that worked closely with Jesus. They were nameless one that also received. They may not have been famous, but they were faithful. They showed up in the upper room and waited for the promise, the Holy Spirit came upon all the flame of fire landed on top of their heads 120 flames for 120 faithful ones. If you show up, you will have a flame of power for your assignment. Man, that’s good. This is Acts two, by the way, when the Feast of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Without warning, there was a sound like a strong wind, Gale Force, no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building, then like a wildfire flower, the Holy Spirit spread through the ranks. And they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them. I’m gonna go back to something really quick. The very last statement of this, if you show up, you will have a flame of power for your assignment.
Joshua T Berglan 27:14
I talked about grace the other day, a lot about how God gives us the grace to walk out what we believe is true only to correct us to show us what he says is true. I think so much of the faith journey that people take, like, I mean, to talk about our faith journey that we’ve taken. But so many people think that they need to have all of this stuff to be able to go on the faith journey. And I don’t know where the Bible talks about this. But when Jesus I believe it was it was I believe it was when Jesus was recruiting his disciples. He was like, Come on, leave everything and come on. When you leave everything, you’re not collecting things to then go, you leave it back. You only go with this your body, your sandals, and you show up. And you serve you you do what you’re being led to do you. You go make fishermen, you teach men to fish women to fish. You, you, you, you you use your gifts to be a blessing for other people use your testimony to a blessing for other people, when you share it any time you’re able. Using your gifts and talents to bless others. That’s part of being a fisherman for men, because your gifts and talents come from God. And you’re pouring God into those people when you use your gifts and talents for those people. So that’s why some people that have singing ministries are talkers. It’s a ministry. They’re sowing into you. They’re opening their heart for you. That can be their gift. They’re and they’re showing you that it’s safe. You’re not going to be perfect. I mean, I think of all the different ways that I could have done this message today. And I assure you, I promise you, there was a hellfire and damnation version of that message. Which seems to be missing the point.
Joshua T Berglan 29:33
You’re not going to be perfect. But hiding your imperfection is not going to help you on the road to perfection. Being honest about where you are is where the healing comes. But as your faith journey is like you go, you go and you allow yourself to be led. You have to let down all of the things that we hold on to in this world. All of the things that we hang on to all these things that we hold on to that we need to have our job, our career, we hang on to relationships, we hang on to friendships, we hang on, we and we sometimes stay in the wrong church too long. Because we’re trying to do it the way that we’ve been told to do it, instead of the way that we’ve been guided to do it. And I’m not talking about Angel guides, I’m talking about the Holy Spirit guiding you to make decisions. I more people during COVID, especially COVID people, during people of faith during COVID, it was really interesting to see what that brought out. And people, some people were like, Heck, yeah, this is an opportunity to get some stuff done. And other people use it to let it destroy them. People have faith and no faith, like, same thing.
Joshua T Berglan 30:58
But part of faith is being willing to leave it all behind to do what you’re being called to do. That’s what happened with us. And then, when we did that, then we put had all of this stuff put on us to do like our network, the nonprofit media organization that set us up to be able to do this. And then God gives us this wild command, I want you to serve and only serve, which is the same command that he was given to me when I first gave my life to Christ. But I was like, how am I going to pay rent? How am I going to do this, I’m going to do that. You know what, I’m still asking those questions today. But the only difference is that I quit pursuing worldly jobs, worldly success, as in doing all the things that I could do in the world, to do what God told me to do. Now, fortunately, I guess don’t get to do use my gifts and talents, the media knowledge, new media knowledge, the training that we have on our website that you should take advantage of. It’s free, talked about that yesterday’s broadcast. But even to the broadcasting network, like we were grandfathered into a network and given that to us for people for years, and then we got kicked off that network, because of the subjects that we were covering, that needed to be covered. So we started our own network, we didn’t have the money to start our own network, we got gifted a $25,000 licensing fee. So that we could have a real network $25,000 to be on Apple, TV, Roku, Amazon Fire and so on. We were blessed with that. But then we have the monthly upkeep. And so we lost the network, I think I said this at the beginning of the beginning of the broadcast, we lost our network for a night. Just came back on, because we were gifted a financial blessing to allow us to keep it going. But here’s the problem. Now, I have no idea how I’m gonna pay rent or pay for the network next month. And that’s on me. Because I had been listening to God. But one thing he didn’t tell me to do, I just never felt right for me. And maybe that’s out of fear is that I haven’t asked for donations. I haven’t made an emphasis. So saying, hey, without your support, we can’t do this. We can’t help people. We can’t give away media resources. We can’t do these trainings. We can’t help people publish their books, we can’t help people launch their ministries and distribute their ministries. And for all the people in the past that have made commitments that they were going to do so none of them honored their commitments. But I trust people, I take people at their word, even though knowing that that’s dumb. But I like people to be able to show that they’re being honest without assuming that they’re lying. So I’m not complaining. I’m just saying that when you choose to do things in faith, it doesn’t exactly go smoothly all the time. But is that a reason to give up? I don’t think so. Because one thing’s for certain. If God’s called you to do something, he’s going to equip you to do it. And that has been what I’ve seen over the last six years and doesn’t mean that everything has become financially easy, but I want you to know I believe that that’s part of God’s plan for me. You know why? Because I was really really really good at making money. Really even better at making other people money. It’s still in God’s instructed me to do a little bit differently and maybe I took his instruction too far. I don’t know. But I’m not going to quit serving, I’m not going to quit giving away art my time and services to people that need it because they need it. And who else is going to teach him? How I Learned, everything I learned is because I showed up and I served, I help people, I didn’t ask for money, I didn’t ask for anything I just served. And because of that, I got a lot of information, and a lot of knowledge that now I’m able to help other people with. So I can’t I don’t know how long this network will be here. I don’t know how long we’ll have a business. I mean, it’s paid for now. But, you know, we’re limited in how much more we can do. Because we never know where money’s gonna come in. And, again, I don’t want to be that guy that’s beating people over the head with daily letters saying, hey, help me out.
Joshua T Berglan 35:56
I don’t want to be that kind of foundation. I just want to do powerful work that people believe in and want to see more of, and then I want to duplicate this from hundreds 1000s of other people all over the world, when teach them the stuff that I know. And maybe God will let them monetize. I mean, that’s the point, teaching all of these different revenue streams. I mean, look, the fact is to what we teach and all that training, yeah, you can do all that by yourself. But it really does require a team. And part of living the kingdom life is having a team. So I can’t wait for God to bring us more people to so that we can serve more. But, you know, at this point, I’m all in on surrender, and all in on trust, and I’m gonna keep moving forward, even if there’s nothing to move forward in. No network, no company doesn’t matter. Like, it’s not going to stop me from serving. But I’ll tell you what, I would be honored and blessed. If you believe in what we are doing, and you sewed into us. Not asking for a handout. Like we want to serve, I want to help you have all of these tools and assets and resources to be able to give to people just need people to give it to I might goodness, the president of United States told people that if you don’t know, media, I mean is essentially what he was saying, if you don’t learn these skills, you’re going to be left behind with where technology is going. Everything he was talking about is sitting on our website for free for you. Six years worth of work in two hours, while there’s a hidden training in it, too, that’s an hour but you get the point
Joshua T Berglan 38:06
I know I realized that I talked about D ID sex honesty, truth, media, broadcasting, asking for money. It’s kind of all over the place
Joshua T Berglan 38:24
but that was the broadcast. And let’s see back to the Holy Spirit
Joshua T Berglan 38:46
The Holy Spirit is the greatest asset. Greatest team member, greatest blessing that we can have. Ultimate GPS, so ultimate guidance system. And the best part about it is when you feel like you’re not enough, that’s when the Holy Spirit is at its best. And wherever you’re struggling your faith journey. Ask him ask him to check in with you. Ask for a word. Ask for what can I do? I surrendered this to you. Oh, all right. I want more of you. And less I mean anyway, thank you. Thank you for watching. God bless you. Fight you need prayer anything. Please let us know. God bless