A Conversation w/ Joshua T Berglan welcomes who most of the world refers to as “Kevin Spacey’s brother” but we are blessed to call him Randy B. Fowler, our friend.

Following up on an explosive interview from several months ago, Randy B. Fowler comes on the show to have a heartfelt, and powerful conversation about acceptance, love and forgiveness.

Randy’s story is shocking, painful, and hard to comprehend, however, he showcases just how much truth can set people free.

Thank you for being a part of A Conversation w/ Joshua T Berglan & Randy B. Fowler on the Live Mana Network!

Find us on Apple TV, ROKU, Amazon Fire, Google News, your app stores, and your favorite podcast networks!

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Joshua T Berglan

Joshua T Berglan, aka The World’s Mayor, is a voice for the voiceless and is driven to elevate the passion, purpose, and mission of those he serves. Joshua is the Chairman of the Live Mana Worldwide Foundation & Live Mana Network, Shock-Jock Evangelist, International #1 Best Selling Author for the Book “The Devil Inside Me” a Producer, and Filmmaker. Joshua is an expert in the future of media and loves supporting others in helping make their dreams come true.

TRANSCRIPT 

Joshua T Berglan
What’s up ladies and gentlemen, my name is Joshua T Berglan. And this is a conversation with Joshua T Berglund. We are on the live mana Network. Thank you so much for being here. You can, of course, scan that barcode right there and find all the links to our app on Apple TV, Roku, Amazon Fire, the podcast network by links to our book or movie, and also our foundation. We are a nonprofit media organization that serves and only serves. And we are obviously grateful for your partnerships and your support, because that’s what fuels us and it helps us keep going. But we are here to serve. And of course, it’s a lot different, because I don’t know too many media organizations that just flat out, serve and give away their resources and teach and train. And the reason why is because we know that media is the most powerful medium in the world. And we want to take the power back from the clowns and the bad guys, the guys that have suppressed the truth, guys and girls or reptilians, whatever, either way, the fact is that media has been taken over and as being a weapon against the people, and we want to be a part of the movement that takes it back. And how do we do that? Well, the very people that we’re fighting for the very people that we believe in the very people, the meek, that are going to take over this world are going to do it with media, they’re going to do it with their voice, they’re going to do it with their truth. And, and that’s how it’s going to be and we want to play a role in that. So your support obviously helps us do that. But more than anything, we are grateful that you’re here. Today is special for me. And here’s why. I was very, very blessed several months ago to be a part of an interview with Mr. Randy Fowler, who’s known as Kevin Spacey, his brother, but the fact is this, I know him as Randy Fowler. I love Mr. Fowler. And if you saw the last broadcast the time that we were on a screen together, a lot of people bailed on the interview before because they saw me relentlessly going crazy about forgiveness. But not everybody saw the whole thing. And in while I’m very passionate about this subject, the fact is, so many people thought I was hating on Randy thought I didn’t love Randy. And none of that was true. I love Randy. And I love the fact that he is so strong in his convictions and his beliefs. And you know what, I have more respect for that, than people that go around talking about forgiveness than acting like a bunch of a holes, and being mean to each other and judging each other. I’d rather somebody stand up for their conventions. If you’re going to worship the devil, and you believe in what you’re doing, then you know what? Fight for that, right? Who am I to stop you? I am all about supporting people in their truth and look, and even if the beliefs are different than mine, that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or like you or respect you. Because the fact is, anyone that knows me, anyone that’s close to me, knows that all of the people close to me think differently than I do.

Yeah, I’m that weird guy. Like, I love people’s different point of view, why I interviewed a witch. Why I’ve interviewed people that were no addicts scientist. And, and no, I mean, I’ve had porn stars and prostitutes. I’m going to talk to anybody and everybody in a conversation with Joshua T. Berlin, in the bio of the show, says that, because I want to get to know different points of view, I don’t belong in an echo chamber. And frankly, so many people have gotten comfortable in an echo chamber, that they think that their truth is the only way. And it doesn’t really work that way. Because frankly, we know, way less than we know. So anyway, with all that said, I’m so excited to have Randy here. We’re gonna we’re going to talk about his book a moment in time living in the shadows. And, look, frankly, the book in itself is powerful. The stories are powerful. And some of you have already heard a lot about the book, but we’re just going to have a very personal conversation. Because I love Randy, I love what he’s up to. And he’s a Uber talented guy. Like he’s a very talented guy. And, and there’s no reason why and it sucks that, you know, I think it could be considered that he’s livid, lived in the shadows of his brother and so forth. And of course, his book is living in the shadows. But the fact is, he’s his own guy. And he’s taking on a fight. That’s a tough fight, and he’s sharing a very uncomfortable truth. And we need those truths because the fact is, without truth, we’re never going to heal. Whether that’s a personal truth or the truth that’s been hidden from us for a lifetime. We’re never going to really heal as people until we know that truth. So I’m so excited to have Randy back. It’s going to be an amazing He’s in conversation thank you so much for being here we’ll be right back after these messages

you want them rolling out the red carpet, the red carpet the red carpet. You want them rolling out the red carpet, red carpet red carpet you want the finer things a diamond rings to sign a jeans are minor things in the wider scheme but at what cost to relax to train simply walk with the crown of thorns or spill more my my bloody cuz I kill boys. I started to get to the top and pocket hook up and a harlot battery charger. And they’re reached my target is the enlisted market and some liquid from my arteries will spill onto the carpet. Everybody wants BAM nobody wants to wait for it damn, don’t want to see you know, have you read all right, thank you for your patience. My name is Joshua T Bergland. And this is a conversation with Joshua to Berglund. Thank you for being here. I so it’s interesting to the last time that I and I for whatever reason, I’ve talked about some very bold subjects. I’ve shared my personal life in detail in the book The devil inside me, like I don’t have secrets. I admit my sin publicly because well, that’s what God told me to do. And because God told me I’ve not I don’t get the luxury of having secrets. And I’ve I’ve honored that fact. And but I haven’t. It’s amazing like for all the different people and the different subjects we’ve talking about. I’ve never had a lot of direct hate until I interviewed or I was a part of an interview with Randy. And then the hate kind of went away for a while. Until this week, and this week has been amazing. So I want to welcome all the new people that are looking to attack me, I want to say thank you for this. Because I know what this means. Because you see, I believe in what God says. And I believe that anytime that you get hate, you’re doing something right. And I want to welcome you. Because regardless of what you say about me, just know that I’ve said worse about myself. And there’s really not an attack that I’ve never heard. So thank you for being here because regardless of hate or love, it means a lot because you’re supporting what we’re doing. So thank you. And I hope that you understand, I mean that sincerely and not as a smart aleck or a narcissist or anything like that. I’m not perfect. I’m a flawed man. But you know what, I’m going to keep being me. And I’m going to keep celebrating the life that I get to live because of God’s grace. So anyway, with that said, I am so excited. And this is going to be really, this is going to be special because again, I have so much love for Randy and so much respect for him. And I’m really excited to get to have this conversation with just him and I this time. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome very, very special human being Mr. Randy Fowler. Hello, Mr. Fowler. How are you sir?

Randy B Fowler
Good morning and thank you for the flattering introduction. Appreciate Well,

Joshua T Berglan
I mean it sincerely and I know things were a little crazy when we spoke last time but that did not change my love and respect for you. And I’m but I’m honored that you are back here. So welcome.

Randy B Fowler
So I accept everybody. Everybody’s going to have their own opinion about something and many people use Different words and phrases that other people might have problems with. But as you said, the truth is the truth. Mm

Joshua T Berglan
hmm. That’s very true. And you know, and it’s amazing to since that time, what you just said is really rang true, because we interpret things the way we interpretive, and, and so whether we don’t factor in intent, but interpretation is our perception is a very powerful thing. And so those words speak to my heart, because I can understand how easily it is to be misunderstood, even if even when you mean your heart means something good, how it can be perceived as something different. So I really liked that. But before we get into all this, Randy, what are you grateful for today, and why?

Randy B Fowler
I’m grateful that I woke up. Every day, I’m always so thankful that I have my health. And I’m trying to do the good work for the people out there that are living in silence. And people, people’s perception of me are going to be based on their own perception of life experiences they have received. Wow, so not everyone’s going to understand where I’m coming from and, and why I speak out the way I do. And why I’m, since 2017, have been pretty hard on my brother. Because of all these allegations against him, and personally, I don’t think they’re all cases of mistaken identity. There’s a pattern going on that. Reading interviews from his alleged victims, they send chills up my spine, because they’re so reminiscent of what it was like growing up with my father’s abuse. And so it is quite disturbing for me to even have to bring up my brother, but he’s at the core of the fight I’m in. He actually represents everything I’m fighting against. And he’s my own brother. And it breaks my heart that that I bet that I have to do this. Not for publicity, not for book sales, but to reach one more person to stop living in silence. Because until you can articulate the horror of your past, there is no healing. You just keep going around in circles doing the same stupid stuff over and over again.

Joshua T Berglan
That’s exactly right. Oh, get a little feedback. Um, I want to ask you, I and I really don’t want to spend so much time on your brother because I’m really more interested about you. Even though your brother is part of your story. How the news came out, I guess yesterday that official charges have been filed on him. How did that make you feel?

Randy B Fowler
Well, that’s not exactly true. Here’s what the Crown Prosecution Service has corrected an earlier statement to clarify that Kevin Spacey has not yet been charged with a various counts of sexual assault. Instead, the CPS has authorized the charges against spacey, which in a spokesman said can only be enacted upon the actors arrest in England or Wales. So spacey can formally be charged upon arrest in England or Wales. But a CPS spokesman did not respond to the washington post request for a comment on whether the actor would be extradited. So basically, what it means is that, from what I understand, as long as he doesn’t go to England or Wales, there’s not much they can do about it. And whether the United States government would have been extradited is a whole nother issue, because I don’t know how the criminal justice system works over in England, right? Or no, if they’re going to charge, you know, Kevin with four separate counts, or are they all going to be lumped into one trial? So as long as my brother stays in the United States, and doesn’t go overseas, I guess he’s okay.

Joshua T Berglan
She’s we’ve had a lot of different Various forms of abuse victims come on the show, whether it’s CPS, you know, human trafficking. You know, we’ve heard quite a few stories from victims of victims point of view. And, you know, you’re a victim yourself in a different way because of your father, and then you know, growing up with your brother, but it’s, it’s interesting, when you hear from the victims, and you hear who’s involved, and you hear who’s allowing it. And then hearing you say what you just said, it almost makes me feel like nothing’s ever going to really be done about this, because the bad guys keep getting away with it. And, and the only only explanation I have for that is that we live in a very evil world. And it’s heartbreaking to me, because it’s almost like voices like yours and other victims are just being drowned out. And the media is using its power to shut people down, when they should be elevating your voice.

Randy B Fowler
Well, unfortunately, people like me, don’t make the network’s money. And that’s really what it’s all about. It’s about money and power and greed. And I’m a, I’m nobody, I’m just one person with with a story about the dangers of living in silence, okay, so the media is not going to pay very much attention to me, okay. And it’s only these platforms like yourself, that give me a chance to talk to people just so I could just reach one more adult, one more child, one more teenager, if they’re going through this, maybe my words might inspire them to be brave enough to speak up. So I’m just one lonely voice.

Joshua T Berglan
Let me ask you, what is speaking out and taught you

Randy B Fowler
until you could articulate what happened to you. Something happens to you psychologically, when you speak it. If you just think it, nothing really happens. It’s not until you can talk about it to somebody you trust counselor, a therapist, teacher, a parent, as long as you don’t come from my situation where you’ve got two abusive parents, one one in denial and one into self-gratification, regardless of the consequences that might spill on their children. So for me, I remained silent. From 1963 till 1995. It wasn’t until I met Trish that I decided to tell her, none of my three ex wives knew what happened to me. I knew how to wear my pain. Well, I was very good at disguising what had happened to me. And when my book came out, people that I have heard from in years were just absolutely shocked, because they said, we would have never thought anything like that had ever happened to you. You know, so it, it it’s important to be able to talk to somebody about it, because that’s when the healing process begins. That’s when you’re letting it all out. And the more you talk about it, the faster you’re going to get healed. And when I told Trish, yes, she was shocked. At least she knew what she was getting herself into. And I took an awful chance telling her thinking, well, this relationship will probably only last a couple of years, and then she’ll send me to the curb, just like all my other women in my life. But she didn’t. We just celebrated our 26th anniversary on February 3. So I’m, I’m a happy guy because I finally met somebody who listened to me who loved me, who accepted me for who I am, and never judged me and gave me the time and the peace to do this book, and being able to get it down on paper for other people.

Joshua T Berglan
It’s beautiful man. I am ask you this. I know my own battle. I did a lot of evil things in my life. But the thing that I would say that the worst thing that I have her dead was learned a lie. And because it was interesting, you know, I grew up my mom is amazing. So this is not about my mom that might, you know, you grew up and your parents talk to you about being honest. Like, you need to tell the truth, you need to tell the truth. And, and then, of course, when bad stuff starts happening at home happening at home, it’s, well, we don’t, we don’t talk about that you need to keep that a secret. Don’t tell anybody you know, and, and so when you get that message, that’s confusing when you get the two conflicting messages from the same person that’s confusing. And then with the abusers, you don’t say anything or bad things are gonna happen to you. And so I learned how to lie out of necessity. And of course, I think little kids lie because they get scared anyway. But then, when it’s emphasized that something bad’s gonna happen to you, if you tell the truth, that’s a horrifying thing. So then I learned to keep secrets. And then I learned to lie to cover the secrets that tormented my soul. And I think about as I got older, how desperate I how desperate I was for someone to talk to someone, whether it was my struggles with sexuality, my, my struggles with even drugs and my my craving for drugs and, and I wanted so desperately to tell somebody I found refuge in prostitutes, and hookers and massage girls, and, and on all of that. And so I like it. I guess my point is that it was so torturous for me to keep these secrets, that now I love living with none for you, when you were growing up and keeping the secrets for so long. How was that for you internally, when you know that you’re hiding this from the world? And it’s keeping you or did you even realize that it was keeping you from having peace and joy?

Randy B Fowler
No, I had no idea. All I knew is, is I was growing up in an environment where I was terrified of both of my parents. The first time that I was raped by my father, I was screaming out for my mother. And she came up in the master bedroom door and it was locked and she was pounding on it, going what’s going on in there and my father had his arm up against my throat and said, Don’t say a word. And, and then she just walked away, just like that. And I realized that that moment in time that I was on my own and that my mother wasn’t going to help me. My father wasn’t going to help me because of his, his his obsession with little boys and self gratification. And so I grew up, not trusting women, not trusting men, not trusting anyone. Okay, so I just kept it all in. And it really hindered me throughout my life. Because it was, it was stopping me from being the person that I am today. And I was just a an emotional wreck. You know, I spent 30 years as a professional drummer and got to hide behind my drum set. I didn’t have to interact with anybody. The only people I had to deal with were the band members. Okay, I never went out in the audience and talk to people I, I didn’t have the capacity to, to speak to anybody. Except, you know, the few friends that I have, I could talk to them, and we you know, chit chat, but they didn’t know my dark secrets. And, you know, I had three failed marriages. Because of it. Each one of those marriages could have lasted a lifetime if it hadn’t been for me. You know, because I was so frightened. And this is the real crux of it.

Of abused children, anybody abused any type of abuse are terrified of their perpetrators, okay? They’ve got them living in such fear of the possible consequences of saying anything, and those consequences could actually be worse than the actual abuse. Yeah. And that’s the dichotomy that I lived in. Is, is oh, God, if I say anything, you know, then, you know, the the abuse is going to get rougher. And you know, and it got to a point where I started doing what I call acting out. And my parents sat me down and said, well, because we love you, and you won’t listen to us. We’re going to ship you off to military school. So maybe you’ll listen to somebody who doesn’t love you. And I’m, I’m thinking inside of myself, the reason why I’m acting out is because I’m being raped, okay by your husband. And I just couldn’t, I couldn’t muster up the courage to say it, because of how frightened and terrified I was a bulk of my parents. So you know, at 14 years old, I’m shipped off to military school carrying around an M, one rifle with a bunch of other kids that have their own set of problems, and probably the reason why they’re there. So because my mother, as you said, she just swept everything under the carpet. I tried for 35 years to talk to my both my parents, my father laughed at me, my mother said, I don’t want to talk about it. And that was the, that was the script of our family. Okay. And I still never got any resolution from my father or my mother, you know. And that’s something that I just have to live with, that I wasn’t able to sit down as an adult and talk to both of my parents separately on why did you do this? Why did you do this to your son? You know, why would my father beat me at six years old? Because he’s forcing me to read out loud and I make a mistake, and he hits me over the face, and they’re back in the arms with a riding crop. Okay, what my father didn’t realize that what should have been the love of words, and language became my worst detriment. I failed in high school. I don’t even know how I graduated, I had such crappy grades. Okay, so I spent most of my life not reading anything, every time I would pick up anything to read, it would just bring back those terrifying feelings when I was a young boy. And that was just one form of abuse. It wasn’t until I went back to college to get my second degree in 2012, that I had to get over that phobia real fast. And I spent three years getting an associate Science degree in education, and graduated on the Dean’s list. And I actually beat that demon. I don’t have any problem reading anymore. There is no more pain associated with what happened to me as a child, I finally was able to wash it from my soul. And that is my message with people about the power of speaking out. Okay, so my memories carry no pain. They’re just, they’re just part of my diary of life. Now.

Joshua T Berglan
That’s really powerful. I’m going to ask you about acting out because for me, I found comfort. Like, for me, it was drugs and sex at one time, because when I literally the very first time I did, you know, ecstasy, I did meth and ketamine and all these other things and went to a an orgy, basically. And I got addicted to that quickly, because all the nightmares literally turned to fantasies quick. And then I started recreating the situation’s over and over and over again, like I was like, I forced my brain to take that pain and turn it into pleasure. And I got addicted to it immediately. So my acting out was drugs and sex. Because that’s one way that people deal with it or act out that had been molested and abused. But that’s not always the case for you. What was acting out if you don’t mind sharing,

Randy B Fowler
disobeying my parents arguing with them sneaking out of the house, so I wouldn’t have to be raped and just go down, go down and hang out in a vacant lot. But I also acted in, I also kept it all inside. And it festered for, you know, over 30 years inside of me just boiling and boiling. And I had I had a temper, and I was totally out of control because I didn’t know who I was. Because there was like a shield blocking me from, you know, seeing the truth. And like I said, it wasn’t until I told Trish that I started to see the light. And when I was laying out the timeline to my book. It took me 18 months to scan about 65,000 photograph documents, diary pages, graphs, pie charts, I mean, I kept I was really OCD about documenting my life because I knew someday I would write a book. And when I started laying out the timeline literally patterns started emerging on my life. And I came to the conclusion that almost every decision that I ever made until I was 40 was wrong. Because I based my feelings, my excuse me, I based my, my decisions on on my feelings and not the facts, which will inevitably all get you into trouble. And that’s where I was. I just kept making all these stupid decisions because, well, it felt right at the time. That’s why now, my feelings just don’t matter anymore. All that concerns me is the truth. Okay, no matter how painful The truth is, and until someone can face it, and truly face it, okay, you’re never going to be healed, you’re never going to know the joys of what it’s like to be happy. You’re just going to live in this, this doom and gloom emotional trauma, you know, that I did for most of my life.

Joshua T Berglan
That that’s powerful, because it was emotional intelligence course, as one of the things that you hear often is eff your feelings, of course, they’re saying the word. And it’s true, because your feelings lie in your feelings also lead you to perceive things as something that you we can imagine in our head and create, that may not be the truth. And, you know, so I try to remember that when I’m getting caught up in my feelings, because I am a human being. And, you know, and like, I try to do the right thing I read with my heart. And sometimes that gets me in trouble. And I’m an emotional guy and a passionate guy. But as I’ve healed and gotten more mature, even since our last interview, bad God has taken us on a journey since we last spoke. I’ve really, really learned to not let my emotions take over. And that’s been a kind of a mind trip for me, because I’m passionate. And that was a gift for me. But it’s also been the very thing that’s well landed me in jail and other things, too. And can you know, be? Well, not always a good thing. So I love that you said that. And because it’s a really great reminder to not get caught up in the moment. Because a lot of times what we perceive to be bad, it actually can end up being a blessing. And not to, to say that, you know, abuse is bad, absolutely. But one of the gifts that can be from it. And I believe it’s a gift from God, a gift from a creator, that everything that bad, bad that happens to us, also gets to be a blessing. And what I love about what you’re doing, not for

Randy B Fowler
everyone, though, what do you think that’s the problem is is because just because something traumatic happens, you like child abuse, being raped, whatever the circumstances is, unless you can talk about it. There is no blessing. You’re just going to, you’re going to live in the darkness, use your, your words, you know, and being passionate about something, there’s nothing wrong about that. But making a decision on you’re passionate for a subject based on your feelings is going to get you into trouble. Okay, so people need to make decisions based on the facts. You just You just can’t do something because it feels right. And that’s just it’s it that’s just another form of insanity.

Joshua T Berglan
Yeah, thank you for making my point, though, that it gets it gets to be but you have to choose for it to be you have to choose okay, this happened. And when you do talk about it, and you share it and you go through your healing journey and you share your healing journey and you talk about it like you’ve done that is a way that we get to use the bad things for good. Because one, there’s no greater revenge on the enemy that attacks you, then it not killing you. It not breaking you, it making you stronger. It you using it for good. You teaching other people with your pain, how to heal and that your encouragement for people to speak out. That is that’s how you weaponize truth for good and you don’t

Randy B Fowler
I don’t use the word. You know, weaponize or trying to get back at somebody because that’s not right either. Okay. If my words touch people, then they touch to people, if they don’t, they don’t. But I’m not going to. I’m not after any revenge from my brother or my parents or anything like that, that’s all over with, okay? I’ve been trying to reach out to my brother for years, and then finding out that he wants nothing to do it me because I remind him of the past. Of course, I’m the keeper of the secrets in the truth. So he can’t face me, he won’t be my brother and be an adult and talk to me, even though I could possibly help him with this struggle he’s going through, but never once Has he ever apologize to anybody. It’s always about him. Okay, and not about what he did for 40 years that had been kept under the carpet forever.

Joshua T Berglan
Yeah, the enemy that I speak of, though, Randy, I want to make clear, and I think you know, this about me, I don’t look at a human on this earth as the enemy. The enemy that I’m speaking of, is in the demonic spiritual realm. And that’s that again, as may be where we differ in beliefs, but that’s, that’s okay. But the enemy that I speak of is the spirit of evil that drives humans to do the things that do. I can myself, I’ve been possessed, I’ve had to be delivered from evil spirits. And whether I was born with them, or they happen from being molested and abused, whatever it may be. The fact is that I was a demon. And I heard a lot of people, but it was a spirit in me, that did it. So the evil I speak up for me, from my perspective, is that because me taking up and going after anybody, personally, and attacking them and going after them, that is not going to serve anybody any good. And that is just as wrong. It’s the spirit and the evil behind what’s happening, that I want to go after. And the revenge I speak of, is against the spirits behind it, not the human being.

Randy B Fowler
Right, and there are people out there who do evil things, because they like it. That streak has itself buying, okay. And there is a dark force surrounding this planet. Okay, now. Unfortunately, for me, I have not received the gift of faith. Okay. And that’s a quote from the Davinci Code. I thought that was a great line that Tom Hanks said, because for me, from my perspective, where was God when I was screaming out for help from my mother? Where was God when I was being raped? My entire childhood. Okay, so you have to understand that where I come from. I question all religions. I don’t think anybody’s got it right. And I don’t even know if we’re meant to know the real truth. I think that’s one of the mysteries of being human, flesh and blood. I do believe that. You cannot go through life, hurting people without expecting what I call the karma gods to come down on you one day, and say, Okay, it’s time to pay the piper. Okay. And, unfortunately, I a lot of people don’t agree with me, because I’m not religious, I’m spiritual. But I still question everything. Because of my upbringing, and where I came from, but I don’t think anything less of you. Because you believe in God. Yeah.

Joshua T Berglan
I will, and I love you and with your beliefs, too. And I, you know, and I understand what you mean, and I think we I for a brief second spoke about this before the interview. It’s, I’m it I’m trying not to let it hurt my heart that you know, I’m doing the best I can I’m doing what I’m led to do. And I have a relationship with the Lord and and I you know, and how I changed my life was accepting Jesus and it happened in a pretty wild crazy way and all those things but I, it’s the very people that share my faith are the ones that I the only ones that I get direct hate from The emails on all the different platforms one, like, I’m seeing this and I see in their bio that lover of Jesus and, and, and talking about talking about forgiveness, which is a popular subject with us. And, and I’m seeing all this and I’m going, you’re acting just like the people that attacked Jesus like what this it’s so confusing. And I also in support of what you’re saying too. I do believe that religion has it wrong. And I do believe that man corrupted the Bible, and took out text and remove sentences and took out books of the Bible. There was a reason they did that there’s a truth that they’re hiding from us. And this is why I opened my platform and why I have friendships, my neighbors are Hindu, I love them to death. We talk all the time. I respect other belief systems. I love Jesus, that’s me. But you know what? I respect other people’s beliefs and I’m not going to judge them. My faith is my faith. It’s a personal relationship with the Creator WITH GOD WITH JESUS for me. I’m not, it’s not up to me to tell you what to believe. If if I reflect something that is attractive to you, in the sense of spirituality or light, then I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. But if I’m a negative aihole, how am I being the example of my religion or my God that I serve? I’m not. So I understand where you’re coming from 100%?

Randy B Fowler
Yeah. victims, like myself, feel a lot the way I do about religion? Because where was God for them? And that’s the first thing that runs through your young little mind. You know, where’s God, you know, I’ve been brought up to think that God protects people. And these people grew up in an environment of hate, and betrayal. And they don’t trust anybody, and especially religion. And that’s why I talk the way I do, because I’m trying to break through the people that will criticize me because I’m not religious. But I’m just going to speak the truth to break through that, that barrier that they don’t understand. God, they don’t understand how it all works. Okay, so I’m just trying to break through that barrier, and show them here’s one person that was able to break that barrier, just by talking to somebody about what happened to you, okay. And if you become a follower of Jesus, and I am a follower of Jesus, I’ve read every single red ink in that Bible. And if the planet did half of what the reading said, we’d be a lot better place. But we don’t, okay, we have fake religious people, fake Christians, who are the first to cast the song in stone, because it doesn’t coincide with their own beliefs, therefore, I must be wrong. And that, unfortunately, is part of the journey is to be able to swim through all the muck, and all the nonsense and, and bad. You know, comments? You know, I’ve done like seven interviews this year already. And one of the platforms had, it has over 35,000 views. And the guy that did the interview said, that usually only gets 10 or 12,000 views. And there were probably, I think there was 345 comments, and five of them were were negative toward me. So that’s it. Say that I must be reaching the people with the way I tell my story, and that the naysayers are so far in the minority, they’re not even 1%. And I consider that to be pretty good odds for trying to reveal the truth to anybody who was going through any type of abuse. There’s marital abuse, there’s sexual abuse, there’s physical abuse, there’s emotional abuse, there’s drug abuse, and a lot of people take drugs to hide the pain in order to self medicate. And that was your in your case, okay. And what happens is that they become OCD over it. Because the more They take drugs or drink alcohol, the less they have to deal with the truth. And it’s a vicious cycle. I spent my entire life not doing drugs. Yeah, I got high smoked a little weed big deal. Never did. I thought I liked cocaine. So I avoided it. I’ve never done drugs and never done alcohol. I went through my pain and my redemption of myself straight. It’s not easy, okay, a lot of people like the self medication, because it puts you in a different frame of mind. And hopefully you won’t think about, really what you should be concentrating on. That’s why I continue to do interviews. And I’m just, I’m shocked that people still want to hear from me. And, you know, unfortunately, it’s unavoidable to talk about my brother, because of what he has been accused of, you know, and how do you not talk about it? You know, he’s right, in the middle of the pie, of what it is I’m fighting against?

Joshua T Berglan
Well, I personally think that you’re doing God’s work. And, you know, and

Randy B Fowler
I don’t know

Joshua T Berglan
what Yeah, and I understand that. And I, that’s why I’m a big fan of you. Because while you may, you have your beliefs, and we’re not where we don’t necessarily see eye to eye about the path or whatever, we have a lot of similarities, but at the very core of what my faith is, is sharing the truth. That’s the staple of my belief, and my relationship with the Lord is about truth. And, and if I’m wrong about something I say, then you know what I welcome to be corrected. And then I apologize for it, and then move forward and keep going. Because I don’t have all the answers, I’m not going to be perfect. But where we align is that desire for truth, because without the truth, whether it’s our own truth, or the truth that’s been hidden from us, we’re never going to heal as a world as a planet, as a nation, as a country, as a state as people. So you’re to me, you are doing God’s work, whatever name that you put on it, and you’re taking your pain from the past, and you’re using it to help set people free. You are inspiring people to tell the truth, a very painful truth. No one on the planet wants to talk about debt, their father molesting them. It’s uncomfortable, it’s uncomfortable, just to say that your father abused you. And you know, so what you’re doing is powerful. And I and that’s why I’m such an admirer of you, but that you’re a cool guy. By the way, I saw a picture of your drum set. How in the world do you learn how to play that many? That is amazing to me. There was like 5000 Different things that bang on, like, how do you learn that?

Randy B Fowler
Well, I at the age of 20, I had the honor of being accepted at Murray speedback percussion studio. And this teacher was known in Hollywood as a sound editor. He won many Academy Awards for like the original King Kong and My Fair Lady, and Hello, Dolly. And that was his day gig after he retired from drumming. And when he retired from the movie industry, he he took on a few students, and there was a two year waiting list. And it was just by coincidence that I had just started working for Remo drum company, the company that makes the drum heads and I called Murray up and told him I want to start studying with and he says, Well, you’re gonna have to wait two years. I’m like, Yeah. And I said, well, by the way, I work at Remo. And he was like, Oh, really. So he accepted me as a student, and I studied with him from 76 to 1980. And he got me to be able to play drums and the drum set you see now is an exact duplicate of the kit that I played when I was touring. The only differences is that I sold on the drums I kept the hardware and I replaced them all with electronic kits because I live in a condominium. So I’ve been playing this setup since 1980. Okay, 42 years, the drums and cymbals everything is exactly the same place. And I’m right now rehearsing The entire Gino Vannelli and todo. And Michael McDonald catalogs to update my YouTube channel. I haven’t done a new recording in eight years. So I’m rehearsing all that stuff so I can, you know, rerecord it. I retired in 2004, I realized that music had given me everything that it was going to give me. And my career was really interesting. The better I got as a player, the more I healed inside a little bit, even though I was silent, I was healing. And it was like a choo choo train. Little better drumming, little more healed. And this went on until 2004. And then at my last gig, it stopped. I stopped getting better. I stopped healing. I immediately retired, I called Tricia up and said, I’m retiring. And she was like, well, it’s about time. Okay, so music as a professional drummer had was at given me everything I was ever going to get from it. So I walked away. I didn’t touch my drums for six years. And then I put together my electronic kit. And I’ve been practicing ever since and doing recordings for clients. And it’s still my number one passion, you know, I still enjoy it. I play better now than when I was touring. Because when I was touring, all I did was play live shows, I never got a chance to sit down and practice, not once. Okay, so it wasn’t until 2010, we’re actually can actually sit down and play something and learn it and count it out and figure out the fingering patterns. And so I’ve gotten way better, you know, gee, I wish I would have practiced when I was younger, you know, my, my career could have taken me in a totally different direction. But

I did something that doesn’t even exist anymore. I played six nights a week, 300 nights a year. Okay, what gigs are gone, the big show rooms, you know, the jazz clubs, just regular rock and roll clubs that had music, all the big hotels, they don’t have that anymore, you know, so I got to live a life that this generation knows nothing about, you know, and I’m very thankful that I was able to play with must have been to 300 bands, you know, over the course of my career, because I played for money. My teacher told Marie, if you’re going to do this as a professional, do it for the dough, not the stardom. So that was the direction I pushed my drumming career and was to do it for the money. I wasn’t concerned about being a rock star, I wanted to make money, anything to keep me out of the cubicle. Because I didn’t read very well. So I didn’t want to be in a job where I was gonna have to read. So it was another way of running away from the truth of my past. So you can see how all of these abuses how they all tied together and affected different aspects of my life. I was able to compartment antiserum but in the end, it almost destroyed me. You know if I hadn’t told Trish. I don’t know where I would be today.

Joshua T Berglan
Wow. Where did you ever play from whiskey?

Randy B Fowler
No, because those those gigs you do for free because you’re trying to be a rock star. I just didn’t do those kinds of gigs. I went where the money was lounge gigs shows rock and roll clubs that were playing six nights a week. You know, and making good money three $500 a week back in the 80s. That was a lot of money. Yeah, I mean, it’s a lot of money now and forget about inflation and that just the cost of living I was a lot of money. So I’m very happy that I was able to make a living at it, you know, and not have a day gig.

Joshua T Berglan
What’s the one thing that you’ve wanted to do that you have not done yet?

Randy B Fowler
I guess the the number one thing on my list is reconcile my differences with my brother and my sister. My sister lives in denial. She doesn’t believe the allegations against Kevin are true. She thinks it’s all about people wanting money. The fact that my brother won’t have anything to do with me because I know the truth on who Are parents really were and what they did to, in my opinion, all three children, but it comes down to perception. I do believe that when I moved out of my house in 1975, that it’s very possible that my brother was sexually abused by my father. But the perception for me was it destroyed me. The perceptions from my brother was, it’s very possible that he liked it. And he did look at it as abuse and going into acting, gave him a vehicle to to to lower his victims, you know, into his his grasp, and he did it for 40 years. And people hushed up people paid him off, made him disappear. I mean, just it just there was just, he kept a squeaky clean public life. And his personal life was off limits at my mother’s funeral. That people came up to me after I had spoken and they said, we didn’t even know Kevin had a brother. I was like, because I don’t exist in his solar system. And I guess that’s my number one. My goal is, how do I, how do I get back with my family? If I continue to speak out against Kevin’s behavior, and still try to emphasize my book, you can see the dichotomy that I’m in, okay. My sister won’t have anything to do with me because she doesn’t like the idea that I had the courage to write a book. So she won’t talk to me anymore. Okay. Kevin is just running away from me. I think he’s afraid of me. I could have sworn that he was going to sue me when my book got published. And that’s exactly what I wanted to happen. Because it just would have driven up book sales more people would have gotten my message, but nothing, not a peep from them since my mother’s funeral. You know, it’s been what? From 2003? Yeah. 19 years, not a peep. Not an email, not nothing. Okay. So, that is one of my regrets. And maybe someday, Kevin will mature enough to realize that. What I do, I do out of love for strangers. I don’t talk to Kevin Spacey fans, I could care less about them. They’re not people I’m trying to reach. Okay, I’m trying to reach the quiet ones, the lonely ones, the frightened ones, the ones that are afraid to talk. Those are my people. Okay. And unfortunately, Kevin is tied to the hip with me. And there’s nothing I can do about that. He’s my real brother. Okay.

Joshua T Berglan
God, I can’t even imagine. Right, Randy, I’m I’m, I’m really grateful for you. I’m grateful for your courage. I’m grateful for you know, you also, you know, coming back and having this conversation again with me, and I just, I’m a fan of you, and I’m rooting for you. And I’m rooting for people to hear your truth. Because I know it’s going to help. You know, look, we all have our own path to walk. And, and while and we in like you’re doing what you feel led to do. And I believe what you’re doing is the right thing to do and the people that you’re helping you’re helping more people than you’ll ever know. And, and I and I love that. I love that you have the courage to do it and you don’t. And look and this is going to probably upset some people. I don’t believe that you have to attach Jesus to everything for it to help. He’s like so for the religious boobs out there that are gonna criticize the statement. You can’t throw the Bible that everybody that’s not going to solve everything. You have to meet

Randy B Fowler
people. Reading nobody’s living by the Bible. It’s true. They believe in the Great Flood and Noah’s Ark. But what happened to bring about reading the red parts of the Bible, nobody seems it’s totally ignored. So this is why I don’t bring up religion when I when I do interviews is because it’s a real trigger point for people. Okay, and last thing that I want to do is turn off somebody because I’m from their perspective, preaching. And the last thing they need preach, they don’t need preaching. They need love, and they need understanding and they need the truth. Okay, so by removing the religion aspect out of my conversations I have found to reach more people, you and I got a heated argument the last time because I use the word acceptance of the truth as opposed to forgiveness, because I believe religion has used that word and weaponized it. Okay. And for me, people may not like the fact that you think I’m going to forgive my parents for what they did to me. No, I’m going to accept what they did to me, and understand and dwell into their past to, to fully understand why they were the people they did and why they did what they did to me. And once I knew that truth, I was debt free. And whether it was God working through me, or was just my own way of dealing with my past, and not bringing religion into it. Because I don’t want to upset anybody over religion, because people that are abused, have their doubts about religion anyway. And I agree, that’s not what

Joshua T Berglan
you’re right, man, I’m ready, please tell everybody where they can buy your book, how they can support you, and follow your journey.

Randy B Fowler
My books available on Amazon Kindle. And there’s a colored electronic version with 778 photos laid out through the manuscript. It’s like my photographic evidence that goes with my story. And then there’s a paperback version in black and white, also available on Kindle and Amazon. And I can’t be more happy, as George Carlin would say, about the success of the book, because of the people that I’ve reached, and the emails and letters that I’ve gotten from people, thanking me for my brutal honesty, and telling all of the truth. And not just some of it, so that it would enhance my persona. I’m not interested in enhancing my persona, I’m interested in scaring the hell out of people on how dangerous not talking about your abuse has to your life. And, for me, as I said, Every decision I made was wrong. All because I couldn’t talk. And that’s what my story is about, about all these stupid decisions that I made because of my feelings, and never once looking at the facts and the truth. So I appreciate the book sales. I didn’t write the book for money, I wrote the book to help one person at a time. And that’s exactly what I’ve done. Platforms like yours, allow me to reach a lot more people in one setting, you know, and I’m very thankful that that you, you know, wanted to talk with me today, I’m very humbled by the experience of being able to just freely answer any question that you’ve had today.

Joshua T Berglan
Well, I guess, and our stories are, they mirror each other? You know, enough that I relate? I mean, the why behind your book, The why the the way that you wrote it the way you did, same reason, I did the same for myself. And I found freedom in that truth too. Because now I don’t really worry about what set about me because I set it all, I exposed it all. And there’s a freedom in that. Yes. Truth is truth does that. And that’s what you, you’re, you’re a walking example of that as well. I’m blessed

Randy B Fowler
with a lot of people in order to not deal with the truth. They, they get self absorbed within their self. Like I did, I was self absorbed in my music career. My wives did matter. shit to me. All that matter was my music career. It puts blinders on you, when you when you try to do stuff, so you don’t have to deal with the tragedy of your life. And that’s what I did until I was 40 years old. So I’m hoping that my words have touched a few people today. And that the that there is hope. There is healing and there is peace. And that’s the one thing that I have in my life is that I have peace of My past, I have accepted who my brother is, who my sister is, who my parents were, I completely understand where they came from. And I can look at it with a clean heart going, Okay, let’s see if I can make sure that this doesn’t happen to another child, or another adult. A couple of years ago, I used to clean houses for old folks. And this one lady sat me down, before I sat down, you know, before I was going to do her cleaning. And she goes, I want to tell you something. And she told me the story that she’s been keeping in her heart for 65 years, about how she was raped by her uncle. Okay, 65 years secret. And as soon as she told me her story, and I was in tears, but it changed her eye overnight, you know, the next week, but I came back, she was totally different. She was pleasant. She wasn’t cranky, like a typical 80 year old, okay. And she was so much at peace. She just because I had sat down and talk with her about my story, and that she saw how I was able to articulate the gory details of my past. And then a few weeks later, she sat down and told me her story. Now, if an 80 year old woman can do it, I bet a 14 year old kid can do it. I bet an 18 year old, a 23 year old, a 40 year old, a 50 year old, all these people have the capacity within themselves, but they need the strength and the courage to speak up. That’s all there is to it. You just need to talk about it to somebody you trust, you know. And that’s that’s where my message is all about. Speak up. Don’t let the perpetrators win with your silence. Silence is the killer of souls.

Joshua T Berglan
Perfect, perfect. Randy, God bless you, man, thank you for being here. You guys go out and buy his book. It’s I buy the one with all the pictures in it. So are you going signings or anything?

Randy B Fowler
What’s that?

Joshua T Berglan
Are you doing any book signings?

Randy B Fowler
I have a little part time job here in town. And the owner of the store is letting me sell my paperback versions there. And so everybody, every time somebody buys one, I sign it for him. But both books have photos, the electronics in color, black and white, and the paperback. So the books are identical, except for the color images. It was just too expensive to print a color book. Nobody’s gonna pay $56 for my book. I was just like, No, that’s unacceptable. I’m not trying to make money off this book and bleed the public. So that’s why they’re priced as low as they can possibly be price.

Joshua T Berglan
That’s awesome. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here. You are a gift to the world. And I am blessed to know you, man.

Randy B Fowler
Thank you very much. I’m I was really honored to be a guest again. And hopefully, we’ll talk again, maybe next time you talk about my music career, because that’s a whole world in itself. Apart from the child abuse, even though I was using my music career as a way of self medicating myself, from having to deal with the truth, so that’s another another type of story.

Joshua T Berglan
When you get your YouTube channel back up with all the new music, yeah, let me know and then come back because I want to hear it. Yeah,

Randy B Fowler
it’s I was I’ve been nursing elbow injury and it happened about three months ago, I was rehearsing some todos stuff. And I must have strained out the muscles so I went to an orthopedic surgery and he said, Okay, lay off do these exercises where these braces so I didn’t touch my drums for 90 days. And I just started practicing again last week and just trying to build up my endurance again. So that I I know these tunes really well so I can get through the five minutes without making mistakes. So it’s going to be a couple more weeks of practicing and then I’ll start recording again. I’m looking forward to it because it’s it really gives me peace, to be able to play todo and Gino Vannelli that music is really hard and complicated and it gives me such joy to be able to Play that stuff. Not too many. Not too many bands are doing covers songs of Gino Vannelli or todo.

Joshua T Berglan
I can’t wait to hear it. You’re a blessing to the world. Thank you for being here. And we will talk again.

Randy B Fowler
Thanks a lot. Appreciate it. Bye bye.

Joshua T Berglan
Bye. Randy Fowler, everybody. I freaking love that guy. I love him. And I’ve tried to tell you guys the last time we talked, I loved him, even though I get really passionate about forgiveness. And you know what? Truthfully? Yeah, I mean, I’m passionate about it. But it doesn’t mean that I necessarily behaved the right way. There’s a better way to disagree with people. I’m maturing, and learning and growing. I love it. And in the book, I still contend he’s doing God’s work. And there’s a lot of people that don’t, you know, aren’t Christian and are, you know, put, label what they’re doing. They’re doing God’s work, because simply just sharing the truth is doing God’s work, the truth is needed. And, but I also believe in doing the truth and living your truth and being led by the Spirit to do the things, the bold things, the scary things. You know, I believe that, like, God works in through you, whether you label it that way or not. And again, I tried doing things, all the different ways, because I didn’t want to like the the thought of reading the Bible every day, the thought of going to church three times a week, and doing all that stuff never sounded exciting to me, and never a religion. You know, and of course, I’m not religious, I’m not a religious follower of Christ. I just follow Christ. And I, you know, and that’s probably why most of the criticism is coming from Christians, and it’s disgusting. And I see why people are turned off and religion. And you know, he’s right to when you’re being molested and abused. It’s a very honest thing to say, Where are you, God? There’s Christians. There’s people that have been walking with the Lord for 50 years, that have moments, months, weeks, days, hours, that they’re like, God, where are you? Why aren’t you bailing me out of this situation? Why aren’t you saving me? Why are you letting this evil happen to me? And not to step on to anything Randy said. I said the same things. When I was cursing at God and jail my sixth time about why he wouldn’t fix me and why he wouldn’t change me. He told me why. And that’s where the forgiveness, my passion for forgiveness is, is because of the word spoken to me. And the only way I was able to forgive the sound horrible was to have compassion for the man that I hated. My father didn’t sexually abuse me. He physically abused me, when Randy talked about hands around the throat, and don’t you say a word that, oh, I felt that around my neck. As an abuser. When I became an abuser, that was my go to move. Because it happened to me. That’s where I learned it. It’s amazing that hands have the power to heal. And they obviously can hurt. I am. But also, the reason why I love having people with different beliefs on any of the broadcasts that I do, are because their message needs to be heard too. It’s not to get people to stray. Because frankly, if somebody comes on a show and says, Well, where was God for me when this happened? Like, oh, let me back that up. Um, I love having different beliefs and different perspectives because everybody’s in a different place, even with their faith. Like even if you’re a Christian or a believer, you’re in a different place than the other believer next to you. That’s why with Christians, it’s supposed to be about the personal relationship. God is working on me, not you through me. It’s it’s a personal relationship, and I’m going through this journey, the walk I’m my own cross to bear my walk. This is a personal thing. In my view, the personal part of it would heal and then where I heal, I then get to help others heal with the truth that I learned On through healing.

This is Randy’s truth. And there’s nothing wrong with Randy’s truth, because it’s his truth and where he’s at. And again, even though we believe differently, I believe he’s doing God’s work. And I believe that anyone watching this right now, regardless of where your beliefs are, and what your beliefs are, can take what Randy said, and use it and let it impact your life impact your heart because it’s impacted mine. And again, he’s not religious, it’s not a Christian. But different points of view, help us learn more about us. And frankly, again, if hearing a difference of opinion, or a different belief system alters your faith, or you’re offended by it. That means your faith is not as real as you think it is. It’s not as real as you think it is. And the reason why you’re upset is because it’s challenging you and bringing up the very things that you question yourself. Because all we really are for each other is a mirror. Were a mirror of what we put out is what we’re getting back. And I know that that’s why I don’t take offense to any criticism. Like true offense, like if I let it sit with me. It is still weird to hear it from people that share your faith. But nonetheless, Randy is a good man. I love Randy, I hope to meet him in person one day, because truly, I think He’s extraordinary. And it takes extraordinary courage to do what he’s doing. I’m not, I don’t I’m not related to anybody famous, or anyone that’s SEO friendly or anything like that. So it’s one thing for me to share my truth. And even though we have a big platform on our network and praise God for that, like he deals with a whole other thing because people love his brother. People look at his brother as a hero. Even Even today, because Kevin Spacey could walk to the mall right now, even after what was on the news yesterday and the day before he could walk through the mall right now. And people would try to have sex with him. People would want his autograph, people would throw themselves at him. That is a fact. And that’s the world that we live in. And we need more people like Randy sharing the truth. So God bless, Randy, and thank you guys for watching. We’ll see you again next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai