A Conversation w/ Joshua T Berglan & Josephine Duer dives into life’s Disassociative Identity disorder, sexual and physical abuse, addiction, and using all that was meant to hurt us into a superpower.

This is an explosive broadcast that will shock you but more importantly, will inspire you to live the life you were created for!

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Be blessed!

 

Joshua T Berglan, aka The World’s Mayor, is a voice for the voiceless and is driven to elevate the passion, purpose, and mission of those he serves. Joshua is the Chairman of the Live Mana Worldwide Foundation & Live Mana Network, Shock-Jock Evangelist, International #1 Best Selling Author for the Book “The Devil Inside Me“, a Producer, and Filmmaker. Joshua is an expert in the future of media and loves supporting others in helping make their dreams come true.

 

TRANSCRIPT 

Joshua T Berglan
What’s up everybody, my name is Joshua T Berglan. I’m so blessed to have you here today. Oh, wait, what I just do. so blessed to have you here, playing around with some new things today. But my name is Joshua T Berglan. And we are on the live mana Network. Thank you so much for being here, you can find us by downloading our app on Roku, Apple TV, Amazon Fire, the app store, you can find us on any of your favorite podcast networks, of course, you can go to live mana.org Thank you so much for being here. We’re a brand new network. And we call it the digital Noah’s Ark. So if you know what the Noah’s Ark is, then use your imagination. We are all that for media, and broadcasting, really, really excited about the development of the different channels and the different people we have coming on. We have A Night at the Movies that’s about to launch with our very first film, which is so exciting to me. And what that’ll be, is an interactive movie viewing experience where you’ll get to meet the director, actors, things like that, you’ll be able to comment along with the movie. So it’ll be kind of like Mystery Science Theater and the Rocky Horror Picture Show. But there’ll be chat, there’ll be an interview, you’ll have hosts, it’s gonna be a lot of fun. You know, of course, we have the church redefined channel, which is our mission to redefine what church is to people, and make space and make a place for people that have well felt rejected, not felt like they’ve been welcomed in church. And we basically this is our way of tearing the walls down and to make room for everybody else. So if you’re interested in being a part of this, just contact us at lead mana.org. Of course, we are part of the live mana worldwide foundation, so grateful for all of the support all the donations that have helped make this possible. So one of the things that we are very passionate about here on this network as a whole, whether it’s gratitude, unfiltered, or grace, unfiltered, where we allow people to speak the message that they feel God wants them to deliver with no questions, regardless of where people are at in their walk, or this show conversation with Joshua Bergland. Me, that’s me, I’m Joshua. And we love to elevate other people, we love to elevate other people’s stories. But more importantly, you know, we want to give people a voice. And so we get people from all walks of life, we don’t really care and get up, get caught up in celebrity or anything like that. Because we believe that every single one of you have a message that is that deserves to be heard, especially if you’re willing to tell the truth. And one of the most amazing things about truth is, there’s somebody out there that’s going to relate to your truth. Meaning that it doesn’t matter if you’re still struggling with addiction. Because guess what, there’s other people too. And your truth matters. There’s people that struggle with mental health uniqueness. I don’t like to call it an illness because, frankly, as somebody that has overcome di D, dissociative identity disorder, the Gup, God has healed me to a place that has just been amazing. I’m not going to say that I’m completely out of the woods yet, but by the grace of God, I’m able to maintain really good relationships. Now for the first time I have a healthy family and a healthy relationship, have healthy business relationships. And that’s by the grace of God. But at the same time, it was also important for me to share where I was at when I was still struggling with switches. And that matters. So no matter where you’re at, it’s worth sharing, because testimonies evolve. And whether you’re a believer or not, that doesn’t really change the fact of how important your story is. Because even if you’re struggling I remember I’m gonna give you a quick example. And then we’re going to get on with the broadcast here. But I was remember when I was struggling with suicidal attacks, not necessarily desires, they were images and visions and my gift and I don’t really like to talk about it that much. Is that I get visions, God shows me things. Why we’re doing what we’re doing is because of visions that I got starting as a child, but it’s so I lost my train of what we oh, what why did I go into that? Oh my gosh, that’s embarrassing. Ah, it doesn’t matter. It does matter. It does matter what I was saying. I just lost my train of thought. Anyway. God bless me. So mental illness.

No, I so when we share what’s going on with us and we share our opinion, some people say protect your visions. But really when we share where we’re at, it allows people to help us truth attracts your tribe. And so even if you’re struggling, without you know just struggling mightily, or you’re not where you have a relationship with God, there’s some Oh, the suicide episode. Thank you, gosh, man, wow, okay, suicide. I remember the thoughts like these visions, I was getting nonstop, and it was just flooding me and there’s an episode you can find it. It’s Jen and Josh’s, gratitude, unfiltered, and I think it’s the suicide episode is what it’s called. But I had, I was getting these tasks and these visions, and it was the enemy coming at me, showing me all of the different ways that I was going to kill myself. I mean, literally detailed, detailed visions. And this went on for two days. And I couldn’t move and I remember my wife at the time, was praying over me during all this stuff, and nothing would change. And all of a sudden, I heard this whisper. Talk about it, talk about it. What do you really want me to tell what the heck is going on, I couldn’t even move. Talk about it. So I went and on the air, my show at the time with my ex wife. And we talked about it in detail. And there was something amazing, because what normally is kept in the shadows, the secrets of suicide and wanting to kill myself or the thoughts of killing myself. And it wouldn’t stop in that in the images and the thoughts where I’m going to get you one way or another mother effer you might as well kill yourself now images, the most detailed graphic images. But I went and talked about it. Now I’m not telling everybody to go start a podcast so you can share all your, your stuff. Although it helped me a lot, it’s been the most freeing thing I’ve ever done. It’s just confess all my crap and write it and put it in a book and a movie. And it only shows and it’s been freeing for me. But in that moment, this is three years ago, talked about it and all of a sudden the spirit of suicide left me and has never come back. There’s something very freeing about sharing the truth about where you’re at. So we like to give people an opportunity to do that here. And, and so no matter where they’re at, in their journey, we want to hear it. That said, really, really excited about our guests. I don’t know a lot about her except for the fact that she’s been writing and one of the things that really stuck out to me as that she’s just written off I think it’s her first book or has written a few books. She has found that writing is therapeutic. And I agree with her writing almost more than even talking about it is very empowering It’s very freeing and it’s another way of giving your your crap this your struggles to God so really excited to have our guest on and I will introduce her right after this

I’m rolling out the red carpet the red carpet red carpet you want him rolling out the red carpet, red carpet red carpet you want the finest things and time and rings to sign up jeans are minor things in the wider scheme but at what cost the relaxed train simply put the crown of thorns on still more my mic flooded cuz I kill I’m still poor course it was where I started able to get to the top and pocket up and the harlot battery charger and their reach my target is the enlisted market is some liquid from my arteries will spill onto the carpet. Everybody wants BAM nobody want to work for it. No, you don’t want to see you know. You’re

welcome back. My name is Joshua T Birdland. This is a conversation with Joshua T Berglund and we are live on the live mana Network. Thank you for being here. All right, ladies and gentlemen. Without further ado, I’m really excited to introduce our guest and I’m going to pronounce her name wrong. But I think it’s Seth been Sofia, is that right? That’s right. Stephan Francis, welcome to a conversation with Joshua T. Bergen. How are you today?

Josephine Duer
I’m doing very well. Thank you. How are you?

Joshua T Berglan
I’m well before we get in doing all the fun. What are you grateful for today and why?

Josephine Duer
I am grateful for my healthy family and that I was motivated today to get a lot of stuff done, which I have been motivated the last couple of days. And I know that might be trite, but they were things that needed to really get done. And I was able to get myself moving and get them done.

Joshua T Berglan
Well, I love that one. Out of curiosity, what was causing the motivation or lack of motivation?

Josephine Duer
Um, I’ve had it for a few days, I don’t really know, well, I had a friend in from out of town, and sometimes, you know, when you’re, you’re hosting people, and you’re cooking dinners all the time and all that, that, for me, it is. It’s difficult, because you give so much energy to them, which I love. I love them. But when they leave, I commonly get like this deflated sense of like, who I need to lay down for ever.

Joshua T Berglan
You know, I I remember those times, and I still have them now. But it’s more like, I need a breather when the kids come home from school, because I’m so excited. But I remember like when I would go to events, or, you know, I’d go out in public or I’d be around people or I was around people for an extended amount of time, where I felt like I didn’t have control of my environment anymore. Yeah, yeah. Afterwards, I was just like, Oh, God, I need a vacation from that. And it were just people exhausted me. And I could never figure out what that was. But that was right around the time that I was really struggling with my mental health, where it’s just like, everything sucked the life out of me. And the only way I knew how to maintain my, my presence, my strength, my energy was to stay away from people. And that’s kind of how I live my life for a long time. Yeah, is that

Josephine Duer
I’m an introvert by nature anyway. Okay. So when you put me in with a lot of people, I can behave normally and have conversations. But it does wear me down to point when I know it’s like, Okay, it’s time to leave, because I’m getting, I’m getting exhausted. But it’s interesting that you brought up everything you did about mental illness and addiction. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I was diagnosed with di D, and bipolar and anxiety disorder. And that’s why writing is one of my therapies. And I’ve been writing since I can remember the four in the fourth grade, I wrote my first little children’s story, I illustrated it. And then I wrote a couple more. And then it went into poetry. And then it went into short stories. And then it came across I came across this idea for this novel. But But yeah, the the therapy of brighting has really helped me tremendously, especially after getting sober. Because, you know, for some people, you get in that mindset where you’ll be, you’ll have a year of sobriety, and you’ll be doing the dishes, and all of a sudden this voice in your head is like, let’s have a drink. And what where’s that even coming from? I haven’t even thought I haven’t thought about a dream for a year. And, and so I have I have similar struggles and writing has really been my therapy. Well, not all of it. I mean, I see a therapist, and I have my psychiatrist and all that but but on my own, you know, to kind of escape or work through things I write.

Joshua T Berglan
It’s a it’s been beneficial for me throughout the years to and one of the things when I was really active, I was a chem sex addict for you know, over 20 years. And it may have progressively got worse, but I have to say that I remember the first time I did cocaine, or an ecstasy, it was all like, Oh, I did a bunch of drugs. The first time I did drugs was that I did a bunch of different drugs all at once. And immediately the nightmares I had turned to fantasies. And so like I like oh, okay, so like I was an instant Chem sex addict course I didn’t know the term back then. And I sure as heck wasn’t going to admit to being an addict of anything at that time. Yeah. But I remember one of the things that I was doing because I might I was living a double life and they didn’t even my double life had a double life, which confuses some people, but it’s in our book. I talked about in how it worked. But one of the things that I used to do, because when I would switch and I would become different people and I didn’t even understand that at the time. Yeah, one of the things that I started doing out of a habit was taking down notes, because if I heard something, I remember how maddening. It used to be to think that I heard something or I or somebody would promise something to me. And then I’m like, I remember this, and then all of a sudden, they would act like they never said it, or they would act like, oh, I never know, I don’t know what you’re talking about, or I would get blown off. And then I thought I was crazy. So then I would just beat myself to hell over it over and over and over again. And so I started this habit to serve two purposes. One, it helped me know who I could trust. And number two, it helped me cover my tracks. And so now that I’ve gotten away from and I’m not, you know, I’m not in my addiction or any of this anymore. It doesn’t have that power over me. Thank God. Yeah, it doesn’t have that power. Unless if I just decide to give away my power, but the power of that over me is gone. But I still have maintained keeping notes. And but I’ve also found in that, that writing, even when I was going crazy, you know, even it was always the better therapy. For me, it was the safer therapy. And then eventually, I just got the courage where I’m just gonna go talk about it, all of it on camera. Yeah. So I see. Are you proud? It sounds like you’re kind of on that path. Now that you’ve gone from writing to now you’re appearing on podcasts and things like that, to discuss these things. Is that correct?

Josephine Duer
Absolutely. And I’m very wide open with what I’ve been through and what I still deal with, sometimes to this day. And I’m mean, there’s nothing to be as I think we’ve got such a shame environment that we’ve created, that people are ashamed to talk about these things. And I, I totally disagree with that. I think talking about it doesn’t mean doesn’t only help me, but it may help someone else. And so I am I’m an open book all the time.

Joshua T Berglan
Yeah. So di D typically happens through trauma. It’s a combination, typically, if it’s a repeated trauma in a short amount of time, usually through sexual and physical abuse is

Josephine Duer
that you’re actually abused as

Joshua T Berglan
a child. Yeah. Yeah. By family member or friend or stranger.

Josephine Duer
He was, he was my uncle.

Joshua T Berglan
What is? You know, I’ve never even asked this question before. And I have a lot of people that have gone through this similar thing. But what is that, like when it’s a family member? I didn’t have I had the physical abuse from my father. But my molestations happen from other people that were outside of the family. Not that it made it easy. It just it different because I wasn’t going to family functions with them. And you know, it’s a it’s Christmas, and what was that like for you? When it was your uncle?

Josephine Duer
Well, it I was born into it. My sister, I’ve told her sisters, they were already being abused. By the time I was born. My first memory of being molested was when I was two. And it just because I was born into it, it just felt like, okay, I guess this is what everybody does. And my uncle threatened us, if we told anybody, he would kill our parents well as a child, if an adult who your parents seemed to trust and who is your uncle? Yeah, you believe you believe it. So, I mean, it was just, it just seemed normal. And I know that’s weird to say, but like, I didn’t know anything different ever.

Joshua T Berglan
You know, so I can relate to this. And I feel forgiven my father and loved my father. Now, and I can see I have gratitude for my father now, even though I hated him, even after his death, but my healing began when I forgave him. And then, you know, anyway, we won’t go into that. But one of the things that was normal to me growing up, is that my dad was a swinger. My mom wasn’t a swinger my dad was. So you figure that out on your own. And so he was I remember the cheating on my mother and my dad’s six points were kind of in our face. I remember growing up, I remember being at the office when he was having sex with the secretary. And we were told to, you know, play with her daughter, but I could hear them having sex in the next room, and I was because of HBO knew what sex was. And then throughout the course of my life was a teenager in high school and finding all the next few pictures and all that stuff. And I remember when I got into my relationships, that I thought that was normal. Now, of course, I didn’t have I wasn’t a A man enough to be able to tell my partners that I wanted to be a swinger. So I was a cheater, and I was the worst time, but in my brain, open relationships were normal. And so I can and I know that it’s not the same thing. But when you grow up in something you don’t you don’t know what you don’t know that you’re normal. And your brain has been shaped at two years old. Yeah, I can see that. What were the What were the consequences? Have you been indoctrinated into an ancestral molestation or molested molesting relationship? What were the consequences of that for you, other than developing the ID.

Josephine Duer
Um, I was very strange. I was very strange. I had a hard time connecting with other children. Because I was so messed I was just, I mean, it messes your mind up so much. And with the DI, D, because when you’re when you’re being molested, you know, so many studies show that you actually leave your body so that you aren’t focused on what’s really happening. Yeah, so a lot of times, I mean, I had bad grades. And also with molestation, I’ve read a lot of articles about you either, there’s two ends of the spectrum, if you’re molested, you either become almost celibate and prudent, or you become sexually overactive. Which, which I, which is the road I took. And so I, I mean, I slept with anybody and everybody, because it was just like, this is all I’m good for, this is what I’m good at. This is what I was raised to do. And so, I just, I started and then I hit, you know, I started drinking and smoking weed when I was 12. And that’s when my addiction started to hit. And it just, it just went on from there. And, you know, the drugs I said, I would never do, I found myself doing anything to escape the sense of reality that I did as a child while I was being molested, just, I don’t want I don’t want to feel this, I don’t want to be a part of this. So I’m going to do anything I can to disconnect from it.

Joshua T Berglan
God I relate to that. 100% I mean, you know, for guys, it’s you know, we grow up at least my generation where it’s like, how many women you can sleep with? It makes you cool. Addition,

Josephine Duer
it made me a slot, but Right.

Joshua T Berglan
Which is awful, right, the double standard, but it’s not viewed that way. And maybe it’s changed now. I don’t know. But it’s, it’s still ridiculous to me that there’s that there’s that thing, but I gotta tell you. Sex is it’s it’s an it’s an easy enough release. And it’s an easy enough thing to use as coping. But when you’re mixing drugs with it, it becomes this demon that is completely uncontrollable. I mean, I remember, like, God, this is even after I gave my life to the Lord, I had a relapse like two and a half years, two and a half years into it. And I just went on this crazy meth bench where I was going on three days straight, four days straight. And I would sleep with I mean, I remember, this is disgusting to say now. But I slept with 20 Guys, and like in a four day period, yeah, that’s from the sex apps and stuff like that. And I did well, I mean, I way crazier stuff than even that, but I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop it. Because it was anytime something bad would happen. The first thing I would go is let’s get a high and have sex. Yeah, there was no there was no hey, I want to have sex without drugs. And there was no doing drugs without sex. And then either way the demon was going to get fed. And it wouldn’t stop until I passed out. Or my mouth would be so cut open from biting my gums and like I because it was uncontrollable. I couldn’t stop drink my own urine to keep the high going. I would do whatever. And it’s such a demon. And this is why it like with meth specifically. It’s so good. Like there’s a 97% relapse rate because that itself is a demon. So convincing yourself that this is no longer okay. Is very, very challenging when it’s been the very thing that it was the greatest liar to us. Oh, yeah. So how did you get on the other side of it to where you know, you didn’t no longer it had that power on you? Or you decided oh my god, I gotta stop this. Like, what was it for you?

Josephine Duer
Well, Well, the I did relapse as well. But the first time I got sober, my father in law was really sick. And I would, it’s horrible to admit, but I stole his painkillers. And anytime I could get my hands on pink, I mean that that was opioid opiates were the lead. I mean, I have done everything. But towards the end of my using career, opiates were my thing. I wanted painkillers, and vinegar. And so I wouldn’t get nauseous, and I would just down them all day. And I was also embarrassed are also very shaming for me, I was pregnant with my second child, and I was on these drugs, my doctor was prescribing them to me, I was stealing them from my father in law, and I was getting them off the streets. And I remember my husband traveled a lot at the time. So he could never really he was never really around for the doctor visits, and my sister would go with me. And I showed up to one of my last appointments, and my husband was there. And I was like, What are you doing here and he’s like, I just want a news one, talk to your doctor to what’s going on. And he said to the doctor, there are more drugs going in her body than you’re prescribing. And I was so embarrassed, and we left and we were walking down the hallway next to each other. And I said, I can’t believe you said that. And he said, I’m not seeing you have a problem. And for some reason, and it’s one of those, you know, what does it what a divine intervention or whatever. There was this voice in my head that said, Are you kidding me? And I looked at him and I said, Are you kidding me? I clearly have a problem. And I went to rehab two weeks before I was supposed to have my son. And I was going to I had to have a C section because I had very difficult pregnancy. And I was terrified because I had two weeks clean, and then they were gonna put me back on painkillers for the C section and terrified me. But I had gotten to some anonymous groups, the two weeks before I had my son, I got a sponsor, I had my husband, keep hold of the medication, you know, pain pills, and just divvy them out to me when I needed them. And then weaned off of them and then stayed and then I had eight years sober when I could not find a God of my own understanding. And I joined a cult. And I was in that cult for five years. And it was so messed up. I just got completely brainwashed. And I finally got up the courage to leave. And six months. It was it was the darkest time in my life after I left that cult because I was so confused. I didn’t believe in God, I had nothing to fall back on. And six months after I left the cult i I relapsed. And then I think I think I was out for maybe six months, six to eight months, and then went back to rehab and got sober again.

Joshua T Berglan
What um, you don’t have to say the name of the cold but what kind of cold was it?

Josephine Duer
It was actually called divine intervention. It’s all over the world. They believe the universe is your God and you have to follow the certain rules. But the cult leader of our cult was very abusive verbally and emotionally, would scream at you if you made the smallest universal mistake. And I’m I put that in quotes. But it was all decided by her what the mistake was and she would scream at you in front of the other cult members. She would berate you. She was just emotionally and mentally abused. She was mad maniac and just but it starts out so slowly. You just get brainwashed into it. Yeah. And it was awful.

Joshua T Berglan
It there’s a lot of different cold programs out there. They follow the same. There’s a book it’s called a iceberg. Slim wrote it and I forgot the name of it, but it’s basically it’s the book on pimpin ironically enough, yeah. It’s the book. It’s what they use. And I don’t know if the CIA was behind it or not, but it’s very similar to this book called Illuminati the secrets of the Illuminati mind control slave. You can find the PDF for free online. It was written in the late 70s. And then you read Iceberg Slim Jim’s book and it’s very, very similar. But it talks about how they want chooser victims to how they, they know what to do to be able to get into your brain, they know what they need to do to be able to break you down, to get inside where you trust them and allow you to willingly to do to break you down. And, and then because it people will look at you, like, you’re part of a cult, and they make fun of you, right. But honestly, there’s more people susceptible to joining a cult than you realize, in fact, one of the most cult programs alive. And I this is going to make some people mad, but you can I don’t care landmark forum, there’s, which is a very popular, you know, Emotional Intelligence Group, which again, they all it all starts off with amazing intentions, but at least some culty as F stuff. And, and there’s some other programs too. And I know this because I was a part of it. And it is culty. And just like in the thing, that’s really a shame. It reminds me of church too, because you go to a church, and you stop going, then all of a sudden those people that were your friends want nothing to do with you, you’re no longer a part of that system. The same thing happens with cults if you can even leave, because they don’t want you to leave. But it happens. So fast, so vulnerable. And here’s a cue. If you’ve ever been abused, you are susceptible. you’ve ever been cheated on divorced, your your your parents got divorced, you are susceptible to it. And I know being divorced. And all that sounds very well. I mean, it’s like it seems kind of light. But the fact is, it does affect children effectively. And they become susceptible. How did you finally leave?

Josephine Duer
Well, my friend, Georgia, she left a year before I did. And she brought up something. I remember she brought up one point, we were all in a group talking and she said this feels kind of cultish. And the leader just rules oh my gosh, laid into her. And Georgia left shortly after that. And she, the sound of the word cult just kind of stuck with me. And the longer you know, I stayed involved, it just was eating at me. And the leader became more demanding of my time of, you know, being with her more than being at home with my family. And I remember the night that I left, I stopped because my husband was so bad. My husband was getting ready to divorce me because I was I was so crazy. And I told him, I said I need to I need to leave and I’m terrified, because I didn’t know what the repercussions would be. Because, of course, you know, she would always emphasize if you ever leave, the universe will turn against you and your life will be crap and everything will be bad and awful. And, you know, similar to what my uncle said, you know, if you say anything, I’m gonna kill you pregnant. And so I was vulnerable, vulnerable enough to believe that and I emailed the cult leader that night was just like, I’m done. I’m out, don’t contact me. Nothing I’m leaving. And then I called Georgia and told her I had left and like you said, I mean, like if anybody left the cult, we shun them. And I was family. Yeah. And I was terrified that that my friend Giorgio wouldn’t respond to me, but she did. And she was so loving, and she was so great. And she really talked me through a lot of stuff. But it took me a long time to talk about it, because I was so embarrassed, that I could be that stupid to fall for that nonsense.

Joshua T Berglan
But it happens and I know, you’re wounded bird, you know, and, and it’s like, it’s why people go back to their abuser because you it’s like, they’re the ones that hurts you the most, but they’re also the ones that you want to nourish you back to health, and accepting that. I mean, why my girlfriends would keep coming back to me. Not I shouldn’t say all of them. But I mean, some of them that would do and like I was in the cycle of both abusive each other, but neither one of us could leave each other and we just kept the cycle going. It was like this weekly repeat of the same freakin movie over and over and over again. And neither one of us could leave. It took me marrying somebody I didn’t know to finally leave a relationship I was in and you know, and it was and that was that in itself was crazy. That was awful experience. But if I wouldn’t have gone through that, I would never be where I’m at now. Thank God for that. But my goodness It’s tough. And I remember when I left I got kicked out of my emotional intelligence intelligence course. It was a three month program the very last weekend I got kicked out. And but I have that feeling of like, they were the first people I felt safe with. I felt like they were my family, my friends, and then they all frickin disappeared. And they turn their back on me. And it was devastating. That’s what actually triggered my relapse. Yeah, it that just went I went out of control. And I’m not blaming anybody. That was my I didn’t have the coping skills that I have now. Right. But my goodness, that’s tough. So I want to ask you something because I thought of you made me think of my wife. My wife met me when I was on the other end of a lot of this, but we’ve been through our own journey. She would she was with me when I was dealing with di D and she’s been a big played a massive role in my heat helping me heal. You. You mentioned that your your husband still with you? Yes. Yes. How much does your husband mean to you for standing by you through all of this?

Josephine Duer
I don’t have words. He he is a saint, his ability to forgive and move forward. His ability to calm me down. I mean, you know. Meeting him, I, we were destined to be together. Just God put him in my lap. Because I remember, when we first met, we dated a little while, because at that time, of course, I never had a relationship longer than about two or three months. And then I was like, Okay, bye. This is getting too much by. And I kept trying to break up with him. And he kept saying, No, you’re not breaking up with me. I’m gonna call you tomorrow. Like, No, you’re not like, Yes, I am. Call me. And I was just like, seriously, we’re breaking up. He’s like, No, we’re not. And what’s funny is he was 40. He’s 15 years, my senior. So he was 40. At the time, I already had my, my son with another man up in Minnesota where I’m from, and we moved down here. My sister was going to help me take care of him. And she did. And he fell in love with my son, Sam. And it’s going somewhere. This is where I this is my memory is so bad. But, you know, he, he just he took us in he Oh, he was dead set that he was never gonna get married or have kids. And 16 years later, he’s still married. He’s now got two kids. And I mean, we it works and and he works hard to make it work. And so do I. But I think he has to work harder, because I’m much more of a handful than he is.

Joshua T Berglan
Same I relate to. So what um, I think that’s really, really cool. And I also now I feel a dass this like you. You mentioned God, and I know that you you said before, you didn’t have a higher power and you didn’t have a relationship with God. Do you have a relationship with God now or is

Josephine Duer
I do have a relationship? I do have. God is hard for me. My mom worked for the church. She was an organist. And we we had a huge church. Bethlem Baptist up in Minneapolis had about 600 and some members.

Joshua T Berglan
I’m I live I’m in Minnesota, so I know that church.

Josephine Duer
Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that’s the church that she worked at. We attended for years. And it came out that she was having an affair with the choir director. And the Pastor John Piper stood up in front of all of us, and I didn’t notice I was 14 years old. The whole congregation was there was there with my two sisters and my dad. And he got a nod. He got up on the pulpit and he said Leah Hardy and pardon my language, but this is what he said. Leah Harding is a horror of the church and will no longer be working here. She has been having an affair with Dean Palermo and this we will not stand for. I’m 14, I find out my mom’s having an affair in front of 600 people and this pastor, and that really crushed my relationship with God. The sexual abuse I struggled with Why would you let me be sexually abused if you love me? Why, you know, the cult thing? I mean, so my relationship with God has been really on and off And right now we’re in a good place. Unfortunately, I always have this sensation of when is the other shoe gonna drop?

Joshua T Berglan
I want to tell you something. I want to talk about your book. I want to say this to you everything that you’re saying, I truly I don’t understand from your perspective. But there’s so many parallels to your life and mine, the mental health, the drugs, the sex, the cult, the, you know, the abuse, but also the abuse from the church. What if I told you, God allowed all of that stuff to help you? Or I’m sorry, God allowed all that stuff to happen, because he knew that you would end up using it for the betterment of this world. And is twisted and messed up is, we live in the devil’s domain. I think about the same thing, how in the hell would a loving God allow all this to happen? Well, this is the devil’s domain. So of course, LOL is going to break out here. However, the miracle, the love of God made it where all of that bad stuff that was supposed to kill you and take you out, gets to be used as the fuel tank for your purpose. So as far down as you were beaten down, guess what? You get to go just as far as. And so God’s plan for your life is so much bigger than what you realize. And I believe this with all my heart. So it won’t happen, right? The second, I don’t think, but God is going to start working in your life. And he’s going to show you how much he loves you. And he’s going to show you how important you are to him. And why you went through all you went through, believe it or not, you are going to be able to look back suffering, you’re going to be able to look back at your life, within the next year and go, I am grateful I went through all of that. I bet. I bet you anything I try not to promise to try not to swear. But in my spirit, I can I just I believe it with all my heart. And I want you to know that God is going to show up for you. And God is going to show you how much he loves you.

Josephine Duer
I do believe that I do believe in that. Really

Joshua T Berglan
good. So tell us about your book. And I’d love to know about it. Because you get into a subject that I know well, having been been demon possessed and have had spirits tried to enter me in the middle of my sleep. And I’ve had been, you know, filled with bad spirits. So I get it. I feel like I’ve known you in a past life because the same stuff has happened. Me too. That’s what you write about in your book. So it’s like I can relate to this. So why don’t you tell everybody about your book.

Josephine Duer
It’s a fantasy fiction, occult supernatural, it deals with angels, demons Nephilim. And if you read in Genesis, I put it in my book, Genesis chapter six that talks about when the sons of God came to the daughters of Earth and had children by them. They were men of renown, and they were called Nephilim. So that hit me when I when I read that I’m like, there are half angels have humans maybe that’s kind of cool. And I love inch. I’ve loved mythology, Greek, Roman, any any, any kind of mythology, but it made me think of demigods which were, you know, half human half god. But it’s a story about this woman. Who is she asks you works as a curator at the Minneapolis museum

Joshua T Berglan
really did choose Freeze. Let’s see. Take her out real quick. She just froze. How weird is that? Wow, technology demons. There she is. Okay. You’re out Did you freeze again? No, there you are. You’re freezing all of a sudden.

Josephine Duer
I don’t know why I haven’t moved.

Joshua T Berglan
That’s a wild technology demons. They don’t want you talking to me talking about my book. So Nephilim Angels Demons.

Josephine Duer
Yeah, it does kick graphics. is graphic fight scenes. It’s not for young adults at all. And there is swearing in it. I mean, it’s an adult book. But the transformation that Claire who’s the main character goes through while she’s fighting these, you know, demons and learning about meeting these Nephilim and how she’s a part of it and why she’s a part of it. I don’t want to give away too much, because the book has a lot of plot twists. And so it’s, it has been difficult for me to talk about because it there’s just so much going on. But it is a good read. It’s a page turner, everybody I’ve spoken to who has read it has said that when they weren’t reading it, they wanted they were thinking about it and couldn’t wait to get back to it. And you can get it on amazon.com and Barnes and Noble books. Oh, yeah, that would help, wouldn’t it? It’s called the silent prophecy.

Joshua T Berglan
Silent prophecy. Wow. Yes. That sounds amazing. And I like books like that. And especially because I, you know, I mean, look, I want to understand, I asked, I have more questions than I have answers, which makes life a lot of fun. And so the Nephilim and, you know, demons and angels. And all of that is such a fascinating subject for me, and I would love to check out your book. The other thing, too, I want to tell you before we wind this up, is I hope you write the book on your life.

Josephine Duer
I will eventually this is going to be a trilogy. And it’s funny that you say that because just a week ago, I was talking to my aunt and she said, You know what, when you’re done with these books, you need to write something that you need to write about your life.

I agree 100%. With that, yeah, well, listen, I’ve really enjoyed this conversation, I look forward to, we’re going to publish the media kit. So people will be able to have a link to your book to buy it on the mana.org. And I’m just super grateful for your time, I’m grateful for your courage to speak out. Because even like exactly where you’re at is where you’re supposed to be, even though God has more for you. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And the fact that you’re sharing your story, where you’re at is inspiring to me. So I applaud you, and thank you very much.

But I return it because it’s, it’s always nice to talk to a fellow person who has struggled because, you know, a lot of people don’t want to talk about it. And we seem to have a lot in common. I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. I really appreciate you having me on your show. And I do I really, I really had a lot of fun. Thank you so much.

I appreciate you. God bless you. And thank you again, I’ll see you soon.

Sounds good. Thank you. Bye, bye, bye.

Joshua T Berglan
Man, I really enjoyed that I kind of reminded me of my old show gratitude, unfiltered. Just the nature of it, because my heart is for people like her. Because I know where she’s coming from. And I and I know for a fact that regardless of where you’re at with addiction, and you know, your struggles from abuse, and all of that, the God will use it, God will use everything that you’ll surrender to him. I don’t want to go off and start preaching to her by any means. But I, you know, I I can see that God’s got a massive plan for her and, and when he heals her completely, she’s going to do some pretty amazing things. So, and the cool thing is, is that she’s already taken action, to better herself. So that when it comes together and she is healed, she’s going to soar. So thank you for being here. God bless you. And look, I don’t normally do this, but I’m going to start how we’re a 501 C three nonprofit. I shared with you the beginning of this but this network. We are we’re self supporting. And if you believe in what we’re doing you believe in gratitude, unfiltered grace, unfiltered. This show this the ministry side of our network. If you believe in what we’re doing and you want to see us grow and you want to see us fulfill our mission and our calling if you want to sow into us, you can go to our website, live mana world live mana.org And there’s a Donate button there you can go to paypal to same name with mana. But we are appreciative of anything that you sow into us. We have a big mission for what we want to do around the world and you can read about that on our website. But I’m not using this as an altar call or anything like that I just believe that you should sell where you want to grow and and you sell into people that when your visions align that’s it’s good to support that so your support would mean a lot thank you again and we’ll see you next time

Transcribed by https://otter.ai